Known Sense

She

2012-01-19T05:18:00.000-08:00

Warning: The following short story is a work of fiction and any resemblence to any person/thing living or dead is deliberate and purely intentional. *blinks*

The world outside the window was at its usual pace. It was not often that he would walk down the memory lane at this hour of the day. But today he got reminded of her and the world she would portray. Gurls are emotionally stable and she made no exception, except that her intellect would set her apart. ‘Honor and purpose go together until you choose humiliation as your destiny.’ she once remarked off handedly. Sillier with the silly and nicer with the brilliant, she always was. Simple and benign thoughts she would use for the commoners and her insights she would use sparingly. Chirpy and vivacious on the exterior, she was quite the thoughtful in her personal space. Only few can enjoy the crowd and the solitude with equal elan that she often would. Simple to be with she was quite the enormous in her ambitions and in her expressions.

‘Be the change you want to see, you jerks. Don’t ruin yourself in the wastful.’ she once addressed. From the time immemorial she had a firm grip on the functioning of the world. She knew the audacity it requires to live on one’s own terms. Not that being different was a fad to her, it’s just that nothing else would entice her. ‘Half measures and you are done. You can either be a cocksucker or a total rebel. You can’t be a cocksucker rebel.’ she declared often. Not many people are adept at believing in their beliefs and doubting their doubts. You are either blessed or you are not. She was fortunate to be endowed innate.

‘But your life, my dear, is The Myth of Sisyphus. And until you start enjoying fiddling with the stone, it’ll keep coming and haunt you.’ she once told me. Not that I was ignorant about it, but coming from her in so crisp and clear a way, it stays in the mind till date. No wonder after years of incommunicado, I still think of her. No guess her world view and her understanding of philosophy of life still spurs me in parts. ‘Fight, Arjun, fight. Fight for the sake of fighting. No reason can be grand as that.’ she would often proclaim while steering the wheel of life. Spreading the message of the God, her life itself had become the message.

Inanely Incurable

2012-01-12T03:50:00.000-08:00

Me1:Now what?
Me2:The void.
Me1:Self imposed?
Me2:Of course.
Me1:Any wayout?
Me2:Yes, the exile.
Me1:Any chance of uniformity?
Me2:In hell, may be.
Me1:The more you think, the ugly you think.Right?
Me2:The mind is designed that way.
Me1:But why vent out?
Me2:Else, the mind may explode.
Me1:And you once said liquor, smoke, sex could do to calm?
Me2:They don't.
Me1: Why you are the way you are?
Me2: I am doomed to be a spoilsport.
Me1: And you think blabbering on social network could help.
Me2: But neither does silence.
Me1: It's always the darkest, before the dawn.
Me2: You jerk, it's only pitchblack from there.
Me1: If your 'dilusion of grandeur' is incurable try to put it to some use.
Me2: It won't be a delusion then.
Me1: The more you wander the jocular you become.
Me2: The quiter I become, the sooner I choke.
Me1: You are a thankless creature.
Me2: In more ways I am.
Me1: Gratitude, is immense by the way.
Me2: Only to invite humiliation.
Me1: Half a decade is still a long time to learn lessons that aren't taught in B-schools.
Me2: I have maufacturing defects.

Rand-dom

2012-01-12T03:12:00.000-08:00

She: So new year, new beginning-aaye haaye marr zaava.
Me: Bitch, try if you can be even more caustic.
She:But doesn't it work with you that way?
Me: And sometimes I need compassion as well.
She:I am incapable of to be compassionate--to you.winks
Me: If I didn't see Dominique in you, i wudda tataoed you long back.
She: The longer you stay in Rand-dom the longer shall your misery be.
Me: I am over that witch by the way, to a large extent except where it connects me to you.
She: 'My King of Romance' I am flattered. Blushes
Me: And there, there you hurt me Bitch-the most.
She: And there, there I hang off. CIAO.

Chemical Locha

2011-09-24T16:15:00.000-07:00

Charlie Kaufman: [voiceover] Do I have an original thought in my head? My bald head. Maybe if I were happier, my hair wouldn’t be falling out. Life is short. I need to make the most of it. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I’m a walking cliché. I really need to go to the doctor and have my leg checked. There’s something wrong. A bump. The dentist called again. I’m way overdue. If I stop putting things off, I would be happier. All I do is sit on my fat ass. If my ass wasn’t fat I would be happier. I wouldn’t have to wear these shirts with the tails out all the time. Like that’s fooling anyone. Fat ass. I should start jogging again. Five miles a day. Really do it this time. Maybe rock climbing. I need to turn my life around. What do I need to do? I need to fall in love. I need to have a girlfriend. I need to read more, improve myself. What if I learned Russian or something? Or took up an instrument? I could speak Chinese. I’d be the screenwriter who speaks Chinese and plays the oboe. That would be cool. I should get my hair cut short. Stop trying to fool myself and everyone else into thinking I have a full head of hair. How pathetic is that? Just be real. Confident. Isn’t that what women are attracted to? Men don’t have to be attractive. But that’s not true. Especially these days. Almost as much pressure on men as there is on women these days. Why should I be made to feel I have to apologize for my existence? Maybe it’s my brain chemistry. Maybe that’s what’s wrong with me. Bad chemistry. All my problems and anxiety can be reduced to a chemical imbalance or some kind of misfiring synapses. I need to get help for that. But I’ll still be ugly though. Nothing’s gonna change that.

Wander-lost

2010-06-24T00:33:00.000-07:00

Fighting for the cause of freedom, I want to carry on but there's only shadow
Wanting to give meaning to my life, I want to create but the mind is too narrow
Taking the flight of fantasy, I want to fly but the sky seems too shallow
I aspire to concentrate like Arjun, but I have lost the eye of the sparrow

.....

Creative Crap

2010-06-21T00:54:00.000-07:00

That day A & J discussed practicality and feasibility. It had been a couple of months for their creative ideas gone directionless. The room was full of smoke, with a psycho gone on a rampage in the background. Both liked the extremist in its full color but they were also arguing over something.

They thought and they fought
They fought but they wrote.
Cut To:
INT. Room—Night
J(puffing)
Just a little fine-tuning and mark
my words “It will rock-It will rock, man”

A
But can’t we still work on something
unique, never done before stuff?
This thing we just talked, its been shown all over.

J(mocking)
Unique! Unique (huh)
Listen man, there’s got no taker
for your unique idea. Be practical. Give
the fuckers what they want and we got
an entire life to explore uniqueness

A
But that’s not how I work.
I am not here to be just another attention
hungry parasite. I left everything so that
I could give something meaningful

J
Its too difficult to make you understand, man.
Masala! Give them masala. And we can experiment
if only we got something behind us.

The temperature of the room had gone higher. The psycho had hung himself but not before claiming his final victim. There was uneasiness but it wasn’t uncommon. Both had this show-down on a daily basis.

A
If this story has to work
all of them got to die.

J
But why death? Its so easy to kill than
to make an impact keeping something alive.
Death is the first resort of creative impotents.

A
Happy ending never happens in real life and
this reality you calling impotence, has to be shown
as it is. This story will only look meaningful only if all of
them die. As such they die piecemeal, every fucking day

J
By the way nobody gives a fuck even to story.
The availability and date of the star is the key.
And since us being new, fucking producer will put
a limit to the budget. Nobody risks money on a newbie
unless you are well plugged and has sucked their ball for
too long.

They had smoked away their cigarettes and they badly needed tea. It was 3.30 in the morning and they knew Lokhandwala circle was calling.

EXT. Road Night
While on the road they kept arguing the story, they kept fighting on the whats and hows of the industry they were in.
J
You start writing this and this will
be our ticket to the big thing.
Bloody, we got something none other has.

A
Everyone around has got something J,
but the real thing is how you present it and how
you execute it. If we start with something like we
just discussed, we will be labeled and I
don’t want that to happen.

J
The world doesn’t run on what you want
and what you don’t. There’s been defined
a procedure for everything. And these rebels look good
only after they have success, it’s so killing in real life.

A
It’s not about being rebel, it’s about being you.

They finally get to the pan-shop and order 2 cutting special and chaiwala hands them over their respective brand of cigarettes.

EXT. Pan Shop Night
A
How many do you think consider
art as art and not as business. So few J, so
very few and this is where lies our chance

J
I understand what you are trying to say but still
it has to have something that confirms to their
thinking. If you take a sensational subject, something
they have never heard before, it will be difficult for them
to digest. That’s why saying just do this project first and we
can only negotiate after we’ve delivered something

A
It all boils down to choice J and if we fail to choose
this time, I am afraid all life we’ll have to compromise.

J
Just cut the crap, we are going to show all of them
in a hospital fighting for life and you are writing the
entire body now. Just finish this stuff and I’ll show you
the way where our choice shall matter.

They finish the tea and take a walk back home. As usual somewhat unfinished but mostly charged. They write, they write and in next few hours finish what they had been arguing. Finally they both had agreed on the overall flow of the work. They both are happy and know that their work has the might to stand the test of time. But how far it goes only future will tell.

..

Poetry in Lotion

2010-06-11T07:01:00.000-07:00

To Dreams-

"Dream on, guys" I say
"Come on, guys" I plead
Doesn't matter you fail
No big deal you succeed
Forget all want, forget what you need
Just water the plant, just plant the seed
No point in to follow when you are born to lead
Dream on guys I say Come on guys I plead

Absurdity at a glance-

Its been a day of fulfillment,
Its been a day of outcry,
Its been part silly, its been part sly,
Few things to confirm, most to deny,
When ground is a surety, why always sky,
Why always revolt, why not comply,
when there's nothing to hide why do they spy
kul mila ke chaploosi ka zamana hai Bhai.

To LOVE-
With an instant charm she had arrived
With a lasting calm she was to strive
with flair she knocked, with words she described
with imagination she flamed, with aura she framed
with elagance she attacked, with beauty she claimed
now that she's gone not sure who is to be blamed

.

signAGE

2010-05-12T01:46:00.000-07:00

When a retail leasing professional, me, was entrusted with the task of presenting a case on effective use of Signage Space in commercial office buildings, that was the first sign that recession had hit. But the fact that I was doing it for the biggest developer, for the most landmark of structures in India’s Millennium City did help to calm the initial storm and venture out in a totally new zone. With a digicam in my hand I set off for the assignment. On the then clicked, highlighted and suggested spaces are placed now the logos of brands like RayBan, Yahoo and Videocon (the new me).

The just passed recession has compelled the companies to look out for newer and innovative revenue model. The use of space available in highly visible commercial buildings for branding of companies including and in addition to the existing occupants is one such outcome. It’s prevalent abroad but quite THE NEW thing in India. Videocon is one of the occupiers in DLF Gateway Tower, Gurgaon aka The Ship Building and now the Videocon Tower, but the way the entire signage space has been sold to Videocon in this building, its unprecedented and its highly emphatic. This being one of the most visible buildings in the country in terms of daily eye balls, it presents itself as the first and most stunning example of Corporate Branding on entire building façades. Of course the Doyen of Indian Branding, Airtel, has gone one step ahead just 100 meters diagonally opposite to the Videocon Tower, but Videocon is pioneer here. The timing of Videocon rebranding itself and launching the same on Gateway Tower couldn’t have been better. In Airtel Building, unlike facade the entire construction in the property is colorful and in complete sync with the colors of Brand Bharti but its most effective only in night, and the colors seems to be overdone a bit there.

In short, the trend has been set to incorporate not a specific space but the entire building for the new age branding of new age companies. However, for the companies that don’t want the complete thing or the companies that are chick and want to brand themselves in a certain way, there is an option for going “the selective ” way like Ray Ban did or Yahoo did. Ray Ban has taken a small but equally effective corner space in the same Cybercity and overlooking the flyover. Yahoo, has gone more specific and taken one of the elevator space in one of DLF’s landmark buildings.

Signage culture is more in sync with Highstreets and Shopping Malls but strategically located Office Spaces is the newer breeding ground for it. To conclude Out of Home (OOH) Media in not a very distant future will have prime Corporate Offices in its scheme of things but only the intelligent placement and relevancy will separate wheat from chaff.

'Khap'istan

2010-04-27T02:21:00.000-07:00

“A born metropolitan from the countryside” the moment I read it (six years back) in Rushdie’s Fury, I knew he wrote to for me, or to say, for guys like me; people with rustic roots and metropolitan boots. But little did I know this seemingly glamorous tagline would implant a permanent duality in my psyche. The everyday dichotomy that was fun to begin with, has turned into an existential and metaphysical dilemma. The only consolation in this hurricane called CHANGE aka GLOBALIZATION, is the fact that I am not the only one. Ghettos surrounding the capital continue to churn out millions like me, millions metropolitans from the millions hinterlands.

The roots I am bound by, like me, are going through a thorough track change. An agriculture based civilization that prided itself in producing grains and protecting borders, is finding itself in total limbo in the face of gory globalization. The community that is known, over the years, as the ANNDAATA (bread-giver), is being forced not only to adjust to the changing global India but is also being compelled to restructure its culture and rituals. “Change is the only constant”. Agreed. BUT CHANGE BY WHOM AND CHANGE WHAT?

Has, all the advancement in technology and manufacturing, reduced human miserly by any shot?
Has, the gap between haves and have not’s, reduced in West dominated world?
Has the world become more peaceful following the CHANGE left, right and center?

That is not to say that change is undesirable. But how much to is to change, change by whom and change to what extent?

We, the rustics from Haryana, we don’t boast of a great renaissance nor of great education heritage. An age old system of Khaps is maintained to ensure the smooth flow of cultural and ritual norms. Khaps, for once, were started to oil the traditional machinery wherein dispute settlement and movement against a contentious issue figured primarily. There would be Khaps based “Kushti”(wrestling) and other healthier physical competitions. Khaps are autocratic. Yes, they are, but not overnight, and certainly not on its own. These have been empowered by its clan to look in to matter extra-ordinaire since inception. But does that mean Talibanization and Honor killing are matters of celebration? No they are not. But if Honor Killing is despicable so is killing the very notion of Honor. It’s been established within the clan that the same gotra female would be treated as sister/aunt and its an honor, duty and privilege to protect, support and facilitate them in anyway a clanster can. The big outcry against Honor Killing is understandable but what is missing is above board acceptability of same gotra marriage. In the new, global and changed India it might sound normal as well but not to those villagers. It’s a clear attack on their aesthetics. No wonder we have Taliban like dictates against every such matter and from within the most advanced and prosperous states of the country.

Now what am I trying to say?
All I want to maintain is a plain plea, an SOS call to all intellectuals and media think tank of the nation:

“Please, for the sake of all your comforts, decry and denounce every act of Honor Killing. But since you are the opinion makers of the nation and since you are shouldering the burden of nation all on your thin shoulders, please also suggest how can these poor villagers save their honor?”

Ruthless Compassion

2010-03-29T03:12:00.000-07:00

"If you were that concerned with your performance, motherfucker, you should have had a reality check as to where you stand." He wished Deep had said that but did not.

Rather, post the fiasco, both had a long, animated and a revolting debate about the whole issue. In normal circumstances, it would have been just another issue and would be forgotten after another of his self loathing fits. But this time he wanted to overcome it and more than him, Deep understood the need and before he could open his mouth, came out with threadbare analysis, with encouragement, with truth and more importantly with love. It helped, it more than helped, it exalted, it absolved, it liberated.

Yesterday was a special day. he informed Deep. "Remember, the day of breakdown is also the day for breakthrough, its only a matter of realization" prompt came another sermon.

Yes ,traits, combine them. Some are similar and more apart but acceptance of same by both irrespective of their place in the world, makes it unique. People in normal circumstance would term it understanding, some would call it a need based adjustment but to them its pure joy, sheer relaxation. Neither money nor comforts mean much to them. Despite some necessity or other in pipeline both laugh at the futility of it all. And despite all the sameness and coziness they share, its strange that both hold strikingly opposite life views.

While, Deep's universe revolves around love, he can't think of a world beyond achievement. Deep comes from inclusive school of thought. "Accept the people as they are, love yourself and you will loose the ability to hate". He on the other hand, as Deep would describe, has very complex filtering mechanism wherein even he himself fails the screening. "How can I love those imbeciles irrespective of how my personal equation is with them?" he usually laments.

But when dichotomy is cherished at both ends the journey becomes not contentious but "house on fire" kind. Every year he comes across a person who he becomes very fond of. Deep, he knows for four years now but affinity developed just recently. Normally, the things are normal but every now and then Deep has this knack to come up with something he wants to hear and when Deep mentioned "Ruthless Compassion" he didn't follow what came rest. He stayed put but went lost. Not that they were astoundingly big words but the essence was timing.

Urge

2010-02-23T04:12:00.000-08:00

Once again did speak, the urge

Will you follow me or will go merge?

Hey, lonely roads also pave for surge

Listen, hunger, too,is an option when all go splurge

Knee jerk may not be better than a nudge

Honey, just follow me and to hell with all who judge

P.S.-what if the urge is CHAOS???? As GG, my split-soul would say "God, save Thy Krrist"

Drowning of a Dream

2010-02-09T08:43:00.000-08:00

With every setback arises a new challenge, begets a new dream. With every loss a dream is shattered, with every defeat a new dream afloats. He could have been better its the dream who did him in. He's been a loser yet its the dream that strengthens him. Life is a dream-full of dreams-good dreams, silly dreams, short dreams, not so hot dreams.

The amusing thing about dreams is, even while dreaming one is unsure of its attainability-one's own ability, its susceptibility-one's own vulnerability. One just goes on dreaming and dreaming. Even at the hindsight, there may be ifs and buts but there is never a single entity to blame-neither the dreamer nor those part of the dream nor even the dream. All his life he dreamed sweet dreams, pure dreams, long dreams but the ones that required inclusion of others-be it for sanction, be it for celebration. The more he tried the more he failed.

"Should one, then, dream within the boundary of reason and means only?" he is pondering.

A things that reasons itself out with immediate surrounding, he doesn't consider a dream. Its a settlement, an adjustment. a process oriented approach that may keep one busy but not a dream. A dream is dream first, reasoning later-limitless, borderless, adamant yet afresh, helpless yet uplifting, hurt but full of heart, dying yet flying-that's what a dream is to him.

It was neither rational nor in his means when he dreamed his dream but such insisting was his dream, it made him adamant. He would reason with situations, argue with people but always in favor of his dream. Some would relent, some would appreciate, most would harp, most would discourage. He cared for none, neither relations nor career, just his dream. After all, that was what a dream to him.

The ordeal had started much before he took his dream train yet he boarded it with aplomb. There was shine in his eyes, there was unyielding will to cross the final frontier and he never thought for a moment of failure and options thereafter. So naive was him, so unrelenting this world. And so deeply was he absorbed in his space, neither comfort nor majority mattered to him.

But as it happens mostly, just when he was almost there, just when he progenated his first prototype, demons of past would haunt him. Just when he was so close, he was overwhelmed. It was usual of him-his unpreparedness to accept the eternal longing whenever it knocked on his door. Whether it was love, whether his dream-he would get chocked in the final moments. The dream he had drowned in the same ocean he fought all life, the sea of circumstances, social norms, oddity. He knew all along he would have to reason-with people, with means, with fate, with system-everything that would give the final acknowledgement to his being. And he readied himself hard, too, but just when it was the time, just when his nerves needed to be held-he backed out. A stream of vague idealism had engulfed him-it was lying dormant all along but just when was required for it to sleep one more night, it roared furiously. It decimated everything that came its way but there came nothing except the infantile dream.

Is he hurt then? Yes but not for him, for his dream. After all, it was the dream that gave him the time of his life. There is never a failed dream nor a failed dreamer, there is mixed past and there is a missed tomorrow. He had betrayed his past and he killed his tomorrow. But such is ,usually, the fate of a wild chase.

It's been months now since the fiasco and he's wondering at the entire episode. An epic that was to be and that took six long and most important years in the making, had ended in a thunderous disaster. All these while he is trying to curb every urge to look ahead so close, after all, was his dream to him. With every 'what next?' there is a 'but why?' and 'for whom?'.

Those dreams are all drowned

Those eyebrows are all frowned,

He ,too, would've been crowned,

But the naivety would surround

From 'within' always came a sound

But it never yielded a penny forget about pound

He aimed for the sky that was not to be found

And he fought and lost all along the ground

Hearts break, dreams drown, people fail, men die, people try but such is life none bothers.

The Crop

2010-01-17T06:01:00.000-08:00

Today I went to the field,

Today I missed the park;

Today the crop is dry,

Today things are dark;

Last year I was on a high,

Last year the crop was smart;

Today the crop did not exalt,

Today my life is on a halt;

Today I went to the field,

Today I missed the park;

A crop needs water, a spirit some fuel,

But God is thirsty but man is too cruel;

Today the crop is crying,

Today God is denying;

Today the man is flying,

Today the man is dying

Today I went to the field,

Today I missed the park;

A crop is a baby, a man a boy,

Today baby is hungry, today man is on ploy;

Today man is betraying the land,

Today man is suffering no end;

Today the man has hopes ,

But today the man lacks spark

Today the crop is dry

Today everything is dark.

Self Vs Self

2009-12-06T00:58:00.000-08:00

Q: Wt's been eating you, dear, its been the longest hiatus since you started here? The only thing you were regular in life was to post here at least once a month?
A: Nothing. Its just that I am entraped in a wider web now-one covering this world around me and the other within me. These two were always there in the subconscious but the struggle never was this prominent. The battle now, as was earlier, is not whether to live for my self or for those around me, its about whether to live or not. Despite utter respect for Ms Rand I could never fully understand Objectivism though Howard Roark is the only philosphical conception glamorous enough for a chase and has consumed a large part of my life. But now Its Nihilism vs Existentialism.

Q: So, now again you are philosophizing?
A: What else am I supposed to do? The forces outside me are taking their toll and have badly affected my routine. Though I never acted on schedule, things were never this tangy.

Q: So what exactly is eroding you?
A: Nothing particular but time and again this debate of Sacrifice Vs Selfishness resurfaces. I, personally feel and of the firm view that there is no such thing as sacrifice. (Incidentally, this was casually put forth by a former pal who I would like to stay foremer). Sacrifice is a tool one uses not to control the benefactor's body and will, it's a deceptive mechanism that aims at ruling the intended souls.

Q:Would you elaborate? What about the pain one's parents go through to nourish their ward? Is that sacrifice, duty or debt they are repaying?
A: I, for one, believe that is their duty. But the ambience surrounding me claims in return the duty expected of a ward. Yes, a ward to fulfill his emtional and social karma, should look after and help financially and physically and as far as possible socially as well. But the modern day dilemna, especially of the world I come from, is about parents' effort to control vs progenies' mutiny and also children's neglect vs parent's helplessness.

Q: I must say that was the most vaguest of statements expected of you.
A: May be. But the concept of love especially unconditional love, has been dying down. The one against lust was a forgone conclusion but the situation has forced it to be the dominant one. And with every defeat belief in the enitre value system takes it toll.

Q: Are you trying to say you are being overrawed by local ingredients?
A: To an extent and without naming by the man I am most attached to and the most heartless soul I have ever seen. The more I try to strenghten him in whatever way I can, the murkier and greedier becomes his response. His ignorance is killing not only my respect for him but also my respect for his entire clan-one moment he is pleading, the next one he dictates just to fulfill his motive with out stating what exactly those are.

Q: So when you say you are being overrawed why not accept the deafeat and do as they wish?
A: The problem is not about acceptance. The issue is despite the nod my past is so irregular, they even suspect the most sincere of my attempts-be it former colleagues, parents, friends, relatives-its the same situation. They cant trust me and whatever has been done to me even I doubt each of their move.

Q: So you are saying none wants you to suceed?
A: They do may be they don't. But in either case its Catch 22 and I have no clue of this metaphycisim.

Q: May be you are rusty as expected of a jobless or one intellectual rightly pointed-entangling Culture with Idealism?
A: Being jobless has its repercussions and may be I am interwining the two but the reality as I have experienced, I observe and I imagine is too complex. Its too difficult either way to follow.
There has been an added burden of unstated responsibilities, which may be nothing at the end, but at the moment projects a world of its own.

Megalomaniac Manyfestation-II

2009-09-21T13:57:00.000-07:00

• If believing in human potential more than believing in God makes me an atheist and thus always a subject of scorn-Yes, I am and prepared for the consequences.

• If trusting my own intelligence more than anything else and with out any hint of regret makes me haughty, arrogant and overtly estimated-Yes, I have a superiority complex.

• If my troubled childhood and horrific blunders committed out of ignorance, temptation and in the spur of the moment fills me with chronic guilt-Yes, I am inferiority complexed.

• If believing people too soon and get cheated in exchange is a habit I can’t get rid of and turns me into a practical joke-Yes, I am a witless clown.

• If believing, pinnacle is the only option, ensures I am in an eternal reverie-Yes, I am autistic.

• If being happy in the company of people but happier in my own space makes me inconsistent-Yes, I vary.

• If hating my own people much as loving them scorches me endlessly- Yes, I am always in a deriding dichotomy.

• If running away from acquaints just because I feel suffocated with them and in the name of personal calling shows I am indecisive, thankless and selfish-Yes, I am irresponsible, coward and heartless.

• If not giving a damn to anything irrespective of reputation just because all sincere attempts were mocked and snubbed, labels me an indecent, rude rash and unacceptable bastard-Yes, I am an awkward brat.

• If proclaiming myself a protagonist just because all my peers are professionally much better placed announces I am a jealous-Yes, I am evil.

• If commonplace and abundant mediocrity have made me a doubter-Yes, I am skeptic.

• If my emotional errings, idealistic idiocy and financial fiascos have trimmed my life cycle to an extent-----------------------------------dunno what next?

*Ends prematurely* (I guess)

P.S. This is my forth attempt in last 40 days to post here. The last three lasted from compose to saved draft stage for a week each before being aborted in the womb. So, if this one, you think, is weird, trust me I have saved you the horror.

International Youth Day

2009-08-12T06:30:00.000-07:00

Dearest All,

So today is International Youth Day (Antar-Rashtriya Yuva Diwas). I wouldn’t have known but for Mumbai Times, the one that I had picked to learn more stuff about Pamela Anderson’s sexual drive which it was covering for two days on a row. But my perverse mentality was disappointed to learn that it’s IYD today. Our guest editor Shahid Kap-hurr err Kapoor and slutry err sultry Priyanka Chopra were all over it. (What’s wrong with me? Why so much stammering, come on its youth day after all? Ohh its Kaminey hangover).

So Shahid and PC, through their charismatic charm and deep insights, exhorted the youth today. And I am charged thanks a large extent to Piggy Chops’ blue sexy dress. But when one is charged he wants to do something and in my case I want to write on Youth Icons and I want to write for youth and I am doing it since I am a youth.

But when we, a nation of 1.2 billion, are satisfied, happy and shining through 21^st century, riding on the wave of ten film stars and eleven odd cricketers, do I really need to fill this space with more junk, and dump it just because I have nothing else to do? Well, I need not but since I am an expert in doing things written ‘need not’ on them, I am doing it anyway.

Let’s start with Cricket & it’s God Sachin, India’s favorite son God’s best gift to the nation after Mahatma Gandhi. A symbol of consistency, humility and generosity and achievement-the highest run getter in tests and one day internationals, the team man par excellence, one of the best Human brand globally, marketer’s favorite and Janta’s God-Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar. I won’t argue his records as I agree with the statement ‘Statistics are like mini-skirts, they reveal more than they hide’. His record speaks for himself; he doesn’t need to prove himself to none, not anymore.

People, he is not God, not to me. I will make comparison and the name will offend you and yes the name is Ricky Ponting. I will not explain, I will just ask a few questions as to who of the two is better? You already have the answer but I am still asking thanks to my ‘need not’ obsession.

Who is better? Question 1)

“A little boy who played among grown up lunatics, rose to the occasions almost every time and mostly in lost causes, garnered fame and legendary status but still maintained humility, team-manship and consistency and social consciousness.”

The kid who played among real men, spoilt initially, lost his place, regained it, arrogant so what if consistent and not hyped and mostly talked about for the behavior and not the talent he has and what if the kid has almost caught up the record-boy even after entering the scene seven years hence the boy.

Who is better? Question 2)

The boy who whenever he was given a chance to lead could never deliver just because he is human after all. But the one who continued being a run machine while playing majority of his game on dead sub-continent pitches.

The kid who went on to become real man and took the challenge to defend the reigning dominance, lead from the front with no hint of apology for being arrogant or for his commitment to excellence and played a large part of his cricket on slightly tougher and bouncy pitches.

Who is better? Question 3)

The boy who loves Ferrari as much as supporting the social causes and sponsors 200 odd children’s education and also issues of social importance every once in a while.

The brat who may do it few and far in between but never forgets to show through his persona, through his game, the art to be real man and the one who never gives a damn if arrogance is the only thing people take note of and not what goes behind to stand tall all the time.

Yes, we can argue endlessly but I have put my points across and I know most of you are already abusing me but save a few of them as you will need them as you go further down.

Cinema: Its time for the cinematic God Mr Amitabh Bachchan. I’ll damned if I say he is not a phenomenon-as an artist, as an institution of stardom and most importantly as a learned and humble man. But if he is in public life and if he’s an icon and God to Aam Janta(mango common people) I have some questions for him as well. In fact just one question:

Why are you supporting Amar Singh and directly and indirectly Samajwadi Party, the party whose agenda is to divide the communities in the name of pro-minority to remain in Power?

Yes, this is your personal life and again you are not answerable to none. But you are. When your association with a certain man stands for something evil you need to watch out. But the man supported you when none else did. Mr Bachchan, we as a nation, have given you everything we could to recognize your contribution towards art and cinema. And if you think we ignored you in your time of need, we apologize. We have made you a brand that helps you earn big time and you can use it to repay your financial burden thrust upon by the man. However, if Amar Singh is so much to you, if he is that integral a part of your family, then I take my words back to have thought as a member of this whole national family who considers you one of its favorite and responsible- son, brother and father as applicable. We after all are democratic and you have every right to choose your family & friends. You have every right to say I hate politics and still chant “UP mein hai dum kyunki jurm yahan hai kum” and once again I apologize for using this democratic tool to tarnish you and tarnish so that this controversial shit could give some additional hits to this blog which otherwise is dead.

Young Guns-Three Khans, Hrithik, etc, guys, I could use your name as well but there are still many more to be covered in other fields.

Politics: Politics is the easiest for all of us hate it. Hell! So few of them to be mocked at! My likes/dislikes for everything Mr. Rahul Gandhi stands for is in my earlier post here. Who else should I slander now? Let’s take Arun Jaitely and Shashi Tharoor-the possible future national role models.

Mr Arun Jaitley: You are statesmanship personified. If ever I have seen a speaker who’s balanced, intelligent and aware and the one who never minces with the words, he’s you. We all know you are a strategist of highest order as well. You are in politics since university days and to try to suggest something to a man as experienced and intelligent as you would be foolishness. But will you ever come out of your drawing room? Will it ever occur to you that if you have to take that coveted PM chair, you will have to show some ground work apart from the usual behind the scene stuff that keeps you busy. As per me, you are the only secular and democratic face in BJP and this is your best time not only to change the ideology and image of a communal party but also to show to the youth that there is some hope. Yes, there will be opposition within the party and in Sangh Parivar but this is your only chance to indulge in real Public Service, if at all, you want it.

Mr. Jaitely, I apologize, I had forgotten you love cricket and you prefer Lord’s balcony to watch T20 over watching real India whose major chunk of population plays its one day international every day and not for some trophy or man of the match award and not even for butter but only for bread and not on grass laced outfields but on barren, drought ridden hinterland. My apologies.

Mr Shashi Tharoor: A would have been UN Secretary General turned patriotic (deshbakt), a best selling author of many books, historian, a foreign policy expert especially in Indo-Pak relations, educated at the best international institutes, a seemingly honest politician, techno savvy (only politician active on Twitter) and our new External Affairs Minister for State is Mr Shashi Tharoor. But the skeptic I am, I never stop castigating and I am asking-

a) If he is that much a public servant why did it took him so long to think of his own nation? Is that because his international dreams were shattered?

b) If he is that good an author why does he need Sachin Tendulkar, Mukesh Ambani with his whole family to launch his latest book at The Taj Mahal Hotel?

Hell me. He is an External Affairs Minister and by holding the event at a just terror affected place and the one meant only for the elitists, he wanted to show the world, I mean the elite tourists that Taj Mahal is safe, that India is safe, as the most important people are here for a noble cause-to launch his book co-authored with a pak diplomat, on Indo-Pak relations through cricket. The same Pakistan that made this place a curse just a few month back. Was that mockery or what?

c) He’s an author, an entrepreneur and a central government minister. How will he handle all this?

Idle me. If I can’t work doesn’t mean none else can.

d) Is he just another sycophant in the guise of International Baggage?

Doubter me. If he attends a boat race in Kerala just because Nehru G used to do it and just because Madam Sonia is attending this time, and if he doesn’t forget to pay tribute to Gandhi family at every small opportunity, doesn’t mean he is one. It’s called respect and just because a loser like me can’t respect anyone doesn’t mean respect is quaint.

Mr. Throor, I beg your pardon for this mud-slinging with out knowing much about you and with out reading any of your book. But I tried reading your articles in TOI just before the general elections were due, I could not understand them. Excellence is unbearable especially to those from ghettoes, so just take it in your stride.

Media:

Dear Brakha Dutt, if you have just once in your life, covered a war from a few feet away, does that mean you will annoy us all the time? You are a poster girl in Media but when will you stop pestering us with your pseudo intellectualism? I have stopped seeing you err watching you but my last memory was when you along with your fraternity buddies Arnab, and Rajdeep were making a larger than life picture of Rahul Gandhi G on the verdict day on respective channels. I won’t trust you and your Mentor Pranab Roy until his personal relations with top brass of Leftists are cleared.

Dear Rajdeep, you are personally sponsoring the education of two needy kids but nothing will justify the pulp you call news stories IBN churns out, day in day out. So no respect, sorry.

Arnab, I admire you to some extent and despite your Rahul Gandhi bias but not your association with the group BCCL. See, I wanted them to continue Pamela Anderson story but they covered youth day in today’s Mumbai Times. So, anybody associated with the group will be shunned.

Dear Prabhu Chawla, If you think you are funny, you are but only when you try to be funny.

Business:

Dear Sabeer Bhatia,

Where the hell are you, man? Come out of the oblivion because this youth, me and my fellow young bloods, they are worshiping man like Narayanmurthys and Nilekanis. Yes, those symbols of simplicity, ethics and honesty, and those who have forced millions to take pride in the tag called ‘Service Providers.’ Yes, Infosys-the epitome and symbol of India’s tech prowess, they follow all the norms, billionaire founders live like common man, they share profit, follow all the business ethics bla-bla but what have they done? They have made every youngster dream to work for them or companies like them, provide some third rank software services to fifth rank idiots living seven poles apart. Come out in the open, tell the youth “I created Hotmail, it changed the face of communication. I am the first face of India’s real software power and these morons you take pride in working for, they are reaping from the mine I dug the first time. And they are doing it very badly despite all the money they shower on you.” Tell us, the young India “You guys are not software prostitutes. You are me. If I have done it so can you. But we have yet to create a true global, software giant.” Tell us “We have still not made an application of the scale of SAP, Oracle, Windows, Google, Twitter, Facebook, Apple etc. But I have done my bit, now is your time and if I can so can you.”

Sabeer, Sabeer, Sabeer, I got emotional, pardon me. I know you fell for Ash and your Arzoo was not fulfilled the way you wanted it to, I beg your pardon.

Others

Rashmi Bansal: She is a youth icon and a self-proclaimed insight-er and insider on Indian youth. She has written a book can’t remember the name but it was big success, I heard. She is well connected with institutes like IIMs and exhorts the youth in her own big way. Her blog introduction says “I'm the Editor and Publisher of a popular youth magazine called JAM - Just Another Magazine. In print and online (www.jammag.com.). If you're a committed and creative writer do join Club JAM - http://clubjam.jammag.com and show your stuff!”

You read the last line? If you are a committed and creative writer show it on her portal and never start your own blog, worship her for she is fighting for young guns since years but never dare going on your own. Her latest initiative as per her latest blog-post is to celebrate Joy of Giving Week’ commencing from Sept 27^th to Oct 3^rd. This is a proposed national movement just to celebrate the joy in sheer giving and as per her ‘It will be ‘the thing’ every generous and concerned man will look out for every year.

But giving by whom and giving what?

Giving by young urban, well to do, working 9 to 5 officer goers, choked with apathy and giving useless shit they don’t need no more and in exchange get the delusion of satisfaction to actually have done something for someone and to have made a difference in some needy’s life. WTF!! She is the same icon who’s praising in second recent post in crisp and clear words ‘Rakhi ka Swayamvar’(RKS). Yes, she doesn’t feel the need to start a movement about a mockery of entertainment which has become a poor, clichéd, banal, cheap international joke. Instead, in all sincerity she is appreciating NDTV for cracking a never seen before format. The same icon who thinks RKS is the best thing to have happened in TV entertainment recently is talking of the joy of giving. Is there an ironyor I am the one who's ironic?

But Rashmi G since you didn’t respond to my cheap comment on your blog, it’s my pay payback time. But remember no bad blood.

But I prefer this chick, she teaches the art of blow job on her blog and by writing pulp she is a well known blogger & a moderately successful author today. But at least she doesn’t pretend and who knows in times to come like our own ‘Shobbe erotica turned angel De’ she may become a force to reckon with in discussing issues of national importance. Who knows?

And lastly my personal favorite, Mr Anurag Kashyap, the man I have dedicated my two blog posts this and this.

He wrote in his movie Gulal

“Youth, youth change karta hai Samaj ko.”

(It’s the youth that changes the system.)

And this youth was completely taken up by it. But having met him twice for a total of three minutes, he’s left me asking the question he raised in Gulal just after the above statement

“Parr aisa kya change karna chahta hai wooh?”

(What is that, after all, he wants to change?)

I hope he’s just, just half as real as he proclaims thumping his chest but neither does it matter if he’s not.

Incidentally, I just turned poet today, I mean ‘kavi’ in Hindi and this one goes out to all the youth-

Haan aaj youth divas hai

Jaagi kuch karne ki havas hai.

Umeed hai-tadap hai-Garaz hai-Baras hai;

Hai to hai aakhir youth divas hai

Bhrastachaar has, naar-sanghar hai, bhauklaya harr manass hai

Shankaaye hain, thaharayye hai, phir bhi nashaye charas hai

Aakhir Jitni hai duniya kyunki aaj khauli nas-nas hai

Hai to hai aakhir youth divas hai.

Translated- It won’t rhyme as in Hindi but for those who can’t understand Hindi

This is youth day today

And there is a fire to do today

There is hope, eagerness, intent and passion

And no qualms for it, after all its youth day today

There is corruption, massacre and everyone is shattered

There are doubts, obstacles but still the doped mind is unstoppable

After all, it’s the world to be won as the veins are hot boiled today

And no qualms for it, after all its youth day today

And this, my longest post ever, this I had to write, just because I was denied Pamela Anderson stuff and denied this special day.

Declaration: All the statements I made above are with the intention to offend the maximum audience and offend by stigmatizing their unquestionable icons. The best way would be to ignore or you will be playing to my mind, which is to force you shout “Who does he think he is, anyway?”

And I am Ranked #60 on Indiblogger

2009-08-10T04:24:00.000-07:00

I got this mail this morning.

Dear Ajay,

We're happy to announce that IndiRank has been updated. The new rank for your blog "Known Sense"is now 60. You can now proudly display your IndiRank on your blog with a slick, customizable widget:

http://www.indiblogger.in/widgets.php

Try it out and we do hope you like it. :-)

Keep blogging,

The IndiBlogger Team

And was I happy? My first reaction was 'YAY'. But then I held myself back, I clicked on the link. It didn’t open. But I was too excited and tried for next half an hour, still no luck. Then I told myself, this is India’s biggest hub for BLOGGERS. Who the hell are bloggers by the way? I don't know but I know they are talked about a lot these days. But by the time it opened, I had done my own calculations and thought I am in top 60 among few thousands and since it was unexpected I had smsed many people about it.

The theory and premise of IndiRanking is THIS. However, I am pasting underneath the crux..

IndiRank - Ranking of Indian blogs What is IndiRank? Is it like a report card?
No, we have no intention of reminding you of the nightmares you had in school. IndiRank is a system we built to rank the blogs in the IndiBlogger network. Although we manually verify every blog before it's allowed into the network, the IndiRank system is completely automated.

What does the IndiRank mean?
It's like runs in a game of cricket - the higher the score, the higher ranking you have. Blogs are ranked on a scale of 1-100, although the highest ranks are in the range of 70-80.

How is IndiRank calculated?
A blog's IndiRank is calculated based on various factors. Most blog ranking systems rate how popular a blog is. We've taken it a step further based on how deserving a blog is of becoming popular. This is to ensure that the lesser known, but well deserving blogs are pushed up the ladder as well. IndiRank will be completely refreshed every month, so a blog's previous rank will have no bearing on it's present rank.

Why is my rank so low? I deserve a better rank!

We believe that any ranking system should not be taken too seriously - and that is because no sytem can be accurate. IndiRank is built to rank the majority of Indian blogs as accurately as possible using the tools, methods and technology available to us. Please do take note:

a) Not every blog applies to our algorithm, and a blog may get a rank it does not deserve.
b) IndiRank is presently in beta, and we'll continually tweak it based on it's performance.
c) No piece of computer code can ever judge your blog as well as your readers can - so get your blog reviewed on our forum if you haven't done so already!

So, its clear, bloggers with 70-80 scores are the best. And I am on 60 as per those experts, a good 10 points away from the best bloggers!! Hell do I care? If those bests, follow my swearing in the last post, they will plead me to be lenient so that they could write something. I am on 60!! Suck you.

I am not too sure if by giving me 60 they want to market their mutual masturbation hub through my blog. Ohh yeah, they might. But since its my only rank ever, apart from an entry to a so called ranked B-school, I am keeping it as it is. Also, they might be of the view that 'I need to be read more'. I don't know it's for you guys to decide.

(You can now proudly display your IndiRank on your blog )

Proud??? GHANTA!! I shall never be proud until I am the best, if ever, I want to be ranked at all. I had joined this Indiwood just to see how they scratch each other's balls and how I should avoid that stuff and preserve my originality whatever little it is.

Me-galomanic Many-festations

2009-07-31T11:48:00.000-07:00

“Just when things look dark, they only go pitch black from there.” Paul Newman

So, it’s been a while this block is blasting the ‘wry’ter in me, left-right-upside-down. My first attempt at big-time, if anything, is awful so far. That perfect script , my masterpiece, the ‘hatke’ concept I want to burst open the scene with, is in doldrums, already. This baby, my blog, it never gets the due attention it deserves from me. Last few posts were posted as reluctantly as the one you are reading. They are making no sense but so is my life. The best and also the worst thing about words is that they expose you. However hard you try to conceal, but they do. And they are exposing me now-this moment. My darkness is being enlightened-clearly, shamelessly, nakedly.

Leave aside that big shot; the useless in me doesn’t even know what to write here, on this blog. Yes, this blog is like that crazy in love girl, that universal mother that accept their guy despite all the inconsistencies. But here, too, the silly in me want every single post to reflect a different, never seen before side of me, with out even knowing if there exists one or not. The baby continues patting the back, its still chanting the chin up mantra. Poor babe, doesn’t know there are so many ‘ifs-whys-buts-whats’ I am surrounded with, add to that some swearings-

“I will not write anything that has already been written elsewhere.”

“Enough is enough, I will not write what undies do I wear, which dhabas do I gulp in, which ads do I like, why people suck?”

“I am not a fucking journalist and neither a sucker social commentator and to hell with those current issues-Racism in Australia, Rakhi Ka Swayamvar, T-20, Mumbai Sea Link, Mumbai Rains, Terrorism, Feminism and all those isms. I don’t give a damn.”

“To, Love-Life-Relationships-Dating etc, My GHANTA. Every fucking looser on the blogsphere talks about them.”

“Forget writing, I’ll not even read how to stuff on blogging and what works and what not, and what should I write and how should I promote it? In fact I have done my bit and nothing works and I’ll write or not write as per my own whims”

“Cinema, I love and I can talk and type and talk endlessly but then every sucker talks about it. Enough of reviewing and farting, its time to create, finally. And this is a scary reminder.”

Not that I didn’t try to think of the hatke post headers. In the last one month there were a hoard of things that struck my mind but they couldn’t force the hands to type. Yes those were banal, too, but they were enticing nevertheless and those were-

“What about a post on Social Media? This is the hot thing, even if everybody is talking about it; it’s still worth all the attention. Twitter, Facebook, Flicker, Blogger, Wordpress, You Tube how will they change, shape and give a new direction to marketing, media, content generation and distribution, consumer behavior, etc. Yes, they already have but what next? “

But I am not an expert, who cares?

“When everything is going to be free how about a post on free-dom? Personal branding, will pay a crucial role in free economy-how about giving a brand mantra, after all I have studied brand management for one entire semester?”

But I am not an expert, who cares?

“Kids are doing great these days, how about this trio of under 20’s who already are micro celebrities on social websphere? Why not spread a word about real young guns? These guys are well ahead of times.”

But why? People are happy with ‘India’s Got Talent’.

“'How to’ is the best bet. Why not write an all encompassing ‘How To’ white paper-reflecting Spiritual, Yogic, Practical, Communicational, Behavioral, Metaphysical, Philosophical & Religious insights.”

Why? Why? Why should I when they already have Coelhos & Chopras? Besides the only thing people in this country know is preaching and preaching anything and everything.

“I have dealt with brands and more fashion brands for last three years. Shouldn’t I write about retail brands coming in and going out of country? India is witnessing a retail revolution why not share the experience. What’s the future of malls? Why Select Citywalk, Saket is one of the best retail property in the country and what went wrong with the adjacent DLF Place and MGF Metropolitan.?

Fuck that. I hated that job. Brands do suck when I can’t afford them.

“Sarcasm clicks. Try to be sarcastic and it’ll bring forth your creativity as well. People will laugh.”

Enough sarcasm! Fuck Sarcasm! No more sarcasm! To hell with sarcasm! As for laughing, am I joker? OK I am. But does that mean they should laugh at me? OK they should. But should I prompt them to laugh at me? OK I should but hell I won’t. OK I will but what’s the guarantee?

Despite all the attempt to force the issue things are still not coming together. So I stop here. Time for ‘Johnny Johnny Yes Pappa’ I mean “Pubic Enemies”. I love Johnny Depp.

P.S. If any sucker suggests anything about Content or “How To overcome writer ‘s block” he can already see my middle finger. But remember it’s only to show I don’t care and not to encourage the hope of a cure for your pile problem.

Facebook Sucks

2009-07-18T06:38:00.000-07:00

Today’s has been an interesting if disgusting day thanks to Facebook and a neo geek pal of old times. I am pasting underneath a mail conversation about my techno-illiteracy and Geek’s prophecy.

“Hey Techie, tell me what to do with this Damru (that in process mouse icon) in Facebook. It’s been thirty hours now, I am able to login but can’t type anything. Any way out? Reply fast or that Join JIET campaign you are running for that jocular institute of ours, I will turn that into a Joke JIET series. What else am I supposed to do for an institute that gave me a computers degree knowing fully I know nothing about it. BTW, I use Seesmic client for both Twitter and Facebook but that too is more suitable for Twitter, FB is problematic there as well”

“Man, there is no problem with FB. All you need is a fast connection, at least, 512 Kb. That’s it.”

"But that’s the problem. Can’t I use it with my 128? Those suckers have made a good application, can’t they simplify it? "

“It’s billion dollars company with millions of users. Had there been a problem there would be chaos already?”

“But when I can open Twitter and Orkut and everything why not FB. Thanks nonetheless for sharing a profound secret.”

“Remove those additional applications in case you are lucky and that Damru showers mercy and stops dancing. And if still not done, sell that PC and if possible your empty brain, too. Though there would be hardly any taker but since there is a space crunch in that adopted city of yours, may be someone could find this empty brain of yours- a good storage alternative. College is not to be blamed. College is for fun, learning is an individual’s take or how else so many from the same shit would be doing so well.”

“Man I had thought you were a geek and I had solicited for a technical tweet. But now that you are philosophizing, just listen, FB sucks-FB sucks. Its vague in its positioning. Its useful and popular but not clear weather it wants to compete with Orkut or Twitter. At the moment it’s trying to do both. Also, it’s greedy, much focus on ad revenue and less on relevance. It’s feature-rich but too heavy otherwise. Those quizzes are fun for a while but soon enough they start weirding one out and you know it. Nobody shares their mind there but those fucking silly quiz outcomes. WTF! When at same time I can open-Orkut, Twitter Seesmic and etc and etc why can't I open Facebook? This is a fucking social networking site and not a live graphic research lab. Speed, you are talking? The state of network infrastructure in India, entire Silicon Valley knows for it outpourse all its collective junk here. So FB guys should also know it and adapt accordingly. http://omegle.com/ It’s been designed by a kid and this 18 years old boy knows what the world wants-Easy User Interface-Easy User Interface. You are right I may not be able to login as FB guys know the moment I am, the first thing I am going to delete are not those applications you suggested but the account itself.”

“Man, please don’t do it. You know what, all the user base and brand value of FB rests on your being a member there. If you do that FB will have to shut the shutters and I love FB. So, please don’t do it.......

Incidentally, FB is great, Orkut is crap Twitter is revolution.”

Morals:

Facebook sucks.
Facebook is Great, Orkut is Crap, Twitter is Revolution.
It’s not the curiosity it’s the ignorance that kills the cat every day.
Geek is from the JIET, I am from the JIET and we shall stay same, however much we try.
Stop expecting and you will never be hurt and start from your own self.

P.S. I am still not able to log in. Waao! It saves my time.

Mind Fuck

2009-07-06T08:16:00.000-07:00

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I conclude that "Having two balls in your wOrld make you man. But allowing two more in your uni-wOrse wont' make you super-MAN, it only means you are legally sanctioned." :P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P: gggggrrrrrr

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Apparently-Appallingly and Abso-fucking-lutely, as of today I am a loud, proud and sound member of www.lagipadi.com. Its for all Jinki:-

a)Lag chuki hai.

b)Lag rahi hai

c)Lagne wali hai.

Though its 'sin'ister 'con'cerns are-FB,Orkut,Twitter but flagship is always flagship. Seats are on FCFS basis- just choose your option and click on the submit button. I, personally, fall in neither of the category but baaki sab achi tareh se 'lage-pade' hai err 'likhe-pade' hai.
Mission Statement of the company is "NAAM pe jao apni lagvao". Clearly, its totally opposite to all existing corporate philosophies that work on "KAAM pe jao apni lagvao" theme. Its not Roddick vs Federer its ''achet vs sach-et'

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I always keep wondering why am I loosing my jobs? But then I never forget never to give it a damn.....(and the #cube-rats are still jealous of me....waaoooooo)

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Changing the world is a useless pursuit; And Changing myself, even more futile.When legality of gays ensued overwehlming smile;Just wondering how it'll boost tourism -yeah, all this while.

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The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder." -Alfred Hitchcock. But I heard' Kum(jyada)-bakk Itch-q" seriously tests the bladder's strength. So people, this time its not your time or money, its your bladder at stake. Rest is un to you.

R- "Unbelievably, he is the same guy who gave Hera Pheri"

Me-"Hera pheri" ek baar de di to matlab har bar le ga hamari. This 'King' has been enough 'Welcomed' its high 'Waqt' we throw him from Chandi Chowk to China. As such he loves cooking Chinese.Its time for him to go back to his roots or thrown back whatever. Matlab bahut ho gaya hai Bhool Bhulaaya. 'Garam Masale' ki hi aukaat hai uski."

G-"Matlab abb 'ji sa' lene de bechare ko.He can't even unzip anymore.God save thy Christ !".

Me-"What do you mean by Christ here just what exactly do you mean? Every Christ has a zip around it. What of those Christs who get kicked by wifes, girlfriends and even boy friends these days -First for taking them to theater late and then again for why taking them there at all?"

G-"ohh! And all those years I was wondering why did they hang him?"

>>>

I feel that if the prejudice against homesexuality was uncalled for so is the euphoria and umpteen media attention at the verdict. But then in a country so peaceful and prosperous and so devoid of poverty/child labor/unemployment/fundamentalism- homesexuality was the only pestering issue.waaooo. ----- GHANTA!
Me-"Actually its homOsexuality (typo) but then what's the difference?"

G-"The Big OOOO"

Me-"It should be small, I guess, at least initially"

G-"What is small or big for that matter? Its all RELATIVE. [:)"

Me-"Well Relativity's always been your forte. After all you slept with Einstein's pic always beside you and I am still confused how deeply you measured it :P). I guess Subjectivity/Objectivity/Lubricabity/Longevity/Strongevity all witty witty vities has a role of its own.But still you are very close, finally it boils down to RE-LAID-I-VITY"

>>>

Ravi, I Love You. Bhai tu bhabhi ko divorce dede, kidduu ko haam mil ke paal lenge. Aaj Gays sanctioned hue hai, kal ko Incest bhi ho gaayenge. Marry me, bhai kyonki mere dil ki baat to tu samjhta hai. You are not ma bhai you are my soul mate.

>>>

My followers are deserting me premising the ghettoed doesn't deserve them. I, too, think they are right. But point again is-shall I care at last? should I care at last?Or just again will I raise the finger and will show them the way to pavillion?(Last one is easier I guess, and I love easy things.)

>>>

#Followfucktards ?
Yes, since one year I am gaping void-as
a)Fuctards fuck the world.

b)Fucktards fuck the pun.

c)Fucktards are fun.

He already is, I wanna be one

>>>

Appa(rant)ingly, its raining and I am out of smoke WTF!! And there is an apparent warning both to my lungs and those followers of mine.

>>>

Hey, was it your tit-ti trick? Why you making me look like a novice when I prefer being a rookie?

And from now on I stay hardened on courtesy @TitsUp Tuesday. TitsUp just tell shall you be pointed all week or you'll force me to block uou Wed'n'de onwards?
FucK, Tits Up! you are 'incite-insight-inside-inwhite-ful'!And since you are sexually abusing me by not following me because of my sex, you are INBLIGHTFUL as well.

>>>

"Art is selective recreation of reality accordin to an artist's metaphysical value judgment." Will someone please tell me What The Fuck does that mean?

>>>

Someone rightly said 'TV is a great invention else instead of TV there would be people in bedroom.'

>>>

I am following what the doctor could've ordered but is finally dictated by a 'mor(e)on' and once again Wwwwwaaeo

>>>

Apparently, the cure to hangover isn't to drink more, it's all abt folding your ass and never challenge the drink again and drink more if possible.

>>>

Martha's decided she will do what she does best. O poor Martha! Thou has a blessed soul. May thou's life get its due.

>>>

I, Ajay, now, at the count of three, want everybody TO STOP LAUGHING AT ME-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Stop it now.....you can continue if you have the balls..and I mean only two of them.....cos its not for super-men that I write......

Fight Club

2009-06-23T04:13:00.000-07:00

I hate ‘how to mob’. I loathe it when a man failed all his life writes a book called ‘You Can Win’. I hate Paulo Coelho and I detest Robin Shrama. I denounce everyone who imposes his personal depravity on others.

But do I really????

Then why the fuck do I get back to Roark every time I am down? Why I visit Hugh’s blog regularly? Why I watch Fight Club every time I need a kick to crawl forward. Why I find a close affinity with people like Anurag Kashyap? Why I believe every ounce of his existence is a stuff he should be proud of?

Probably, for the fact that I once read and I often re-read- "Show me your achievement, and the knowledge will give me courage for mine." Ayn Rand in Fountainhead.

Every man seeks a personal guidance, consciously or subconsciously, to lead his life. And that is the reason Coelho, Rand and Deepak Chopra are published and are among bestsellers. That is the fact fantasy of Batmans and Supermans is lived and cherished in print and on 70 mm. The source of the drive and thus the outcome from it may differ but the premise for the drive remains the same-personal upliftment.

And it was on one such drive that I watched Fight Club the sixth time last night. I was down and out and needed a kick to realize there exists a Taylor Durden inside me. I badly needed to convince myself beyond my immediate mediocre self there is an alter ego that is able to perform super things. It exists in everyone. But it’s killed every time, every second in our every day life-In our cubicles-in classrooms-on dining table-on playgrounds-in pubs and in café. Every time we try to share our great grand fantasy our bosses, our teachers, our parents, our coaches, our friends, our girl friends-they all end up making our dream a butt of joke-

“It’s great …but…”

“Are you sure????”

“There is a lot of gamble. Why try when you have other options.”

“I don’t believe this!!”

“Be practical.”

“You will end up making a practical joke of yourself.”

WTF! WTF! We wanna scream at them but we can’t. These are the people who matter to us. These are the ones we care about. And it’s not as easy as Ms Rand said ‘just live for your own self.’

No wonder we seek fantasy flights just to have few hours of personal solace once in a while. And no wonder I saw Fight Club yet another time-

Fight Club Snap Shot-

The film is about what happens when an insomniac, looser, typical 9 to 5 guy meets a go-getter, fuck-all wanderer. They end up creating fight-clubs for all hopeless souls around. The duo shows them how getting beaten up is the greatest way to resurrect. And what if both men reside inside the same mind??? It’s a masterpiece. Who says voice over is quaint? It’s not. David Fincher yet again proves his credentials as a master story teller. A complex-est of story and with the use of voice over and technology and irregular narration Fincher ends up giving us a great cult classic. Brad Pitt has the best dialogues with his side but Edward Norton- mind-blowing.

And these days I don’t mind pasting dialogues so here are a few-

“When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep, and you're never really awake.”

“The things you own end up owning you. It's only after you lose everything that you're free to do anything. ”

“Fuck Martha Stewart. Martha's polishing the brass on the Titanic; it's all going down, man”

“I say never be complete. I say stop being perfect. I say let's evolve. Let the chips fall where they may”

“How much can you know about yourself if you've never been in a fight? ”

” Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need”

“We're the middle children of history.... no purpose or place. We have no Great War, no Great Depression. Our great war is a spiritual war. Our great depression is our lives.”

“You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world”

“No fear. No distractions. The ability to let that which does not matter truly slide”

I have decided to finally read the book itself. But I would be glad if you, too, brace yourself up at least for the visual bout in this fantastic Fight Club (if you haven't been in the ring already).

The World

2009-06-21T14:58:00.000-07:00

"The world is a better place. It's worth fighting for."

Ernst Hemingway

"The world is a better place. It's worth fighting for." Agreed but only with the latter.

Detective Somerset in Se7en

"The world is a better place. It's worth fighting for." WTF! World- the fuckking fuck!.

I-Me-Myself

P.S. Mr. Hemingway, you really HEMM me.

The Believer

2009-06-08T05:43:00.000-07:00

Would you like to care about an around 20 guy who-

a) Loves to flex his muscles

b) Is a self-sufficient authority on Religion and Race and Philosophy

c) Is techno-savvy, up market and a great orator

d) Thinks God is the most perverse man

e) Wants to do a Hitler again but this time only right.

‘The Believer’ is the story of not some Hitler-frenetic Nazi who wants to destroy Jews instead he’s a Jew himself who intends to erase his own clan. Jewish-Nazi would be the right word. It’s inspired from a real life incident and traces the life of a believer in destruction. He believes in God most than the others and to the extent that God is the most depraved man around. And he explains through the course of the movie ‘How modern world is a Jewish disease?

The reviews in the above poster say-

It will pin you to your seat-Rolling Stone
Riveting- Newsweek
Volatile- New York Times

It will pin you to your seat-Yes as it takes you on a different planet even before the initial title rolls over. You may not agree with what he is doing or plans to do but it will keep you intrigued all through with the ‘Why’ part of it.

Riveting –Yes as the dialogues are so catchy and yet so deep. It’s a very well written film.

Volatile- Yes as it’s not static and every present scene evaporates the one preceding it. But once over all of them get condensed in your mind.

Some of the dialogues-

“Just because He makes you afraid, just because He asks you to sacrifice, means one has to worship such a teddy, conceited bully? I will never. God, you hear me, kill me if you can!”

“You don’t have to hate Jews just because they have High IQs or for the fact that they enjoy an active sex life or they control Media and Investment banks. Just three simple alphabets J-E-W are enough to hate them forever. Jew! Jew! Jew! Jew! Jew! Jew!”

“Modern world is a Jewish sickness. They universalize every thing just because they have no land of their own. One’s identity comes from one’s own land, own soil.”

“A Jewish girl loves to give head because a Jew man loves to take it and he does it as essentially he is a female and he can’t penetrate, he can’t thrust.”

“In mere three centuries Jews have put the world out of Order and Reason and have thrown us in world of chaos and Relativity.”

“Jews uracinate(chk spelling) the world with abstraction. They take the guy from the street and based on ideas and books and numbers they change him to a cosmopolitan phenomenon. This is their strength, nothingness but nothingness with out end.”

“Three greatest Jews minds- Marx, Freud and Einstein what have they given to the world- Communism!..... Infantile Sexuality! ........Atom Bomb!”

The film is obsessed with Jews but not me. I am just obsessed with Ayn Rand who coincidentally happens to be a Jew. But that apart among all the four Jew Flicks that I have seen this one stands out. Schindler’s List I saw way back. I didn’t get much of it except it was a Spielberg(he's a jew as well) film and won many Oscars and shows the manipulability of a Jew Businessman who’s concerned for his own men. Munich, again a Spielberg gem showed the reveng-ibility and determination of Jewish clan in Israel after what happened to its Athlete Squad in Munich. Defiance (Daniel Craig starrer) the most recent one, I saw it a couple of months back. It’s again biopic and reflects the struggle and perseverance of Bielski Brothers(again jews) and their triumph against odds.

The Believer outshines as it’s not only about an individual’s frustration/triumph or about a race (Jew here) or about religion. It’s about all of them together and it challenges your beliefs. Once done with the film you might argue about story and consistency and plot points and stuff like that. But it will stay with your mind, despite. (It at least did to mine.) And you will ask-

“Do we really need to fear/worship God?”

“How much a role does a race’s background play in shaping the cultural, spiritual and metaphysical view of its clan?

I don’t know much about the race part but the atheist I am I loved the protagonist for all his God bashings.

Performance-Ryan Gosling has given the best debut performance you will ever see. He’s intensely intense, vinegar-ly vulnerable, shrewdly sophisticated, strikingly sensitive and yes enticingly emotional in between. Outstanding. It’s been a week since I saw the film still this performance is hard to get out of my mind. He keeps coming back esp with that “Jew Jew Jew Jew Jew Jew” thing he does in a scene. Ryan definitely has the Depp-th to be Pitt-ed among the De(a)mons and still be able to Cruise overriding Jude Laws(if any) and be the ultimate Lion-ardo.

Now that is a huge statement, ain’t it? From his wiki-pedia page I came to know that he has already been placed among some sexiest men list and Star of the Tomorrow prediction. He has already won some critic awards and has been nominated for Oscars(if that is the benchmark). His choice of roles in films like The Notebook (saddi U Me aur Hum) and Half Nelson shows his prudence and performances there in- his range as an actor. And he’s still under 30. I will definitely watch out for him in the coming decade. Ranbir Kapoor take note. He is of your age and no I am not asking you to imitate him just learn. And I am saying, bugger, as I have expectations from you. Listen you can imitate also but the way an Aamir does a Tom Hank.

Nonetheless the female lead (Summer Phoenix) -she plays the perfect foil to Ryan. And off course her well rounded breasts. “Are these the most beautiful twin rounded peaks ever?’ You will say immediately after that love making scene-Loudly if among bunch of bums and Silently if your girl is around. That apart there is also a scene where both are half naked and their lips closer and you expect them to make out, instead they end up arguing religion. Awesome direction that. She outdoes Ryan here with those inviting lips, inquisitive eyes and intelligent remarks.

* You can try it with your girl. I will definitely with the next/every/if any girl that comes in my life.*

95-5 % Principle- A much hyped American History X is on all greatest lists and The Believer only on Sundance Film Festival! It hurts. Just because American History X was a trendier subject (Black vs Whites) you would give it every thing. But an effort on an even bigger scale is not accepted the same way. 'Am..X' is s good flick indeed but 'The Believer' too is not far behind except in accolades it got compared to 'Ame....X'.

It’s ironical and it has forced me to devise my own 95-5% principal applicable to all cinemas worldwide and that says-

a) 95 % of the films are crap but these crap films ensure the rest 5% are there.

b) 95 % audiences who do not watch any movie of the ‘5 % classy lot’ always discuss them as doing so make them classy.

c) 95 % of the movies in the classy ‘5% lot’ are commercial disaster. But again 100 % of the classy lot gets critical acclaim as this is the only way critics do stay in the business.

d) Again it is this ‘5% classy’ lot that strengthens the 100 % audiences’ belief in cinema despite the subconscious acknowledgement that 95 % of it will still be crap.

So if a ne0-cinephile wants to make a class apart film he should know that chances for the film to do well at BO are 5 % of the 5 % which in real terms is 0.25%.

And you should know by now which one do I belong to or to say long to. And here at this forum I cross out Oscars and Cannes' and Filmfares from my ‘would get to one day dream.’ It’s Sundance all the way.

Why?

Sundance has given us the bombastic basher of conventionality Quentin Tarantino, it brought to us the ultimate maverick, Robert Rodriguez, the man who has single handedly re-written all the rules in film making and also Sundance has given the well deserved Grand Jury Award to The Believer.

So Sundance, I am coming. 5 years? May be 10? May be 20? May be never? But if there is only one place I am asked to be at even in my deepest of dreams it would be Sundance podium. *But these days my own small room is not bad either. *

Coming back to ‘The Believer’, to overcome this disbelief I picked the gems from world cinema this week 13(Tzameti), 8 &1/2, and 7^th Seal, the last two with the ‘greatest film ever made’ claim. Fellini is Fellini and Bergman is Bergman but this number theory didn’t work. The problem was not the language but RELATIVITY (Einstein…. wink). I just couldn get out of ‘The Believer’ mode. I left them just after first 5 mins.

“Kaminay!”

“Inglorious Basterds!”

I know you are attributing me with these adjectives for making it so long. But when I write, I write. Also you made a big mistake by choosing these names and it entitles me to write few more lines. These are titles of the soon to be released films of my favorite film-makers, Vishal Bhardwaj and off course Tarantino. Both are trying something they have never done before. Bhardwaj is venturing into ‘Caper-Genre’ and Tarantino is waging a war against war-epics. Both are known to out do themselves so my eagerness is justified and just see the coincidence in the titles chosen.

But when both films will take a couple of month to hit the theaters, the question is what we do in the meantime? Why don’t you guys have a dekko at ‘The Believer’ and I on my part will try if the number theory works this time.

The Human River

2009-06-05T11:10:00.000-07:00

see in fullsize here

Hope has all gone and no clue of pride.

Fuck you bitch you humped when I cried.

Dreams seems done and energy all dried.

And the mind mocks the heart for all it tried.

No where to run and nothing much to hide.

The night is dark but will pave for open sky.

TO HELL WITH YOU SHAM, TO HELL WITH YOU SLY

This is Human River it will never run dry.

MCQ

2009-06-01T20:57:00.000-07:00

It's beautiful.

It's torturous.

It hurts.

It strengthens.

It questions.

It answers.

So what exactly am I talking about? And your options are:

a)Love

b)Whim

c)Delusion

d)All of the above

e)None of the above

f)I am Insane

Hurry up and send your SMS to 6969 and three lucky winners will get a chance to participate in the Insanity Workshop to be announced soon.

Show-Shall-I-zed

2009-05-23T11:25:00.000-07:00

So finally I am show-shall-I-zed (Socialized) in Mayanagri. It was a media event followed as usual by cocktails and mock trails. I loved it. I am not good in building rapport but here I seem to have done decent if not great. ‘K’ that’s what I call him; he made sure my entry was without a fuss. K is my SPOC for anything and everything in this city. And he’s been amazing so far. Through out the party he kept telling me time and again “Don’t you worry dear, I will push you along. Just keep doing your stuff and you never know when your day comes.”

It was full of media-maniacs for it was a media quiz. After K had formally introduced me to a couple of chicks and an actor, I hit straight to the bar. Men, 45 days in the city and only 10 of them wet and that too with Old Monk, I was desperate. ‘Bacaradi with Sprite’ I asked. And after I had two mouthfuls I realized I was there for socializing after all. Talking about the people K introduced me to, one chick was real hot, the other one was decent, and the actor looked like a struggler. And if something dramatic doesn’t happen he’ll end up a struggler. I am assuming he’s as good an actor as I am a writer and so will meet the same fate until Divine Interventions.

That Bacardi boosted my belief. But I was still in my senses; confidence was there but not enough to approach the cynosure-the hot one so I caught the lesser hot of the two.

“What’s you name? I didn’t get?”

“Su-V.” (Mind you it su+vi and not SUV)

“Ajay. What do you do, Su-V?”

“I am an AD with a newly launched production house.”

“That’s great. Even I wanna assist some one. Though I think I am here as a writer.”

“Ohh you are writer! So what exactly are you writing?”

“That I can’t tell you as even I don’t know what it is. But will tell you when it’s done.”

This AD girl she was decent but not much glamorous. Agree, she is not there to sizzle the 70 mm but then she didn’t seem Mira Nair either. (Yup friends I am a dog and can’t help it.) Appreciation is not my forte nor is assessing people rightly but I wish her luck though.

And that bombshell was finally around too. Suddenly I got kicked to ask her

“What’s your name I didn’t get it?” (It’s cliché but worked here as well)

“I am Anna. So what are you writing?” (She has a good memory)

Ahh! I smiled. “I’ll tell you when it’s done. What about you?”

“I do anything and everything. I am a VJ with Me-too-Tv (Mtv). I have done theatre, was an RJ and looking for my big break, I am also doing a travel show.”

I smiled as I couldn’t continue further. In fact this all is my limit. Though she was cordial and smiling rest of the evening but this after all was my limit.

This gal was quite unusual for a hot one. She ate much more than her petite figure indicated. She was normal no-air girl. However, her dress created quite a storm. Despite my above average fashion quotient I still don’t know what that outfit is called. Ok let’s call it a two and half feet gown-sexy but not cheap-neither in price nor in appearance.

Both the girls were decent, down to earth. May they get to their dreams and may they read this post after they are successful.

Suddenly Mr. AB- the big daddy of advertising and media and the man behind this ‘do’ arrives. Men, did I have a blast meeting him? He’s very cordial, good man manager and energetic and one hell of a garrulous man. I introduced myself as his friend’s protégé and informed I am in his LinkedIn network as well. He seemed appreciative especially of the latter one. Ok in short why did I like him?

a) He is big-time movie buff. Yes, most people claim so but he really is. And these days all I want is people who I can talk, walk and stalk cinema with.

b) He was spending his time with young ambitious people instead of fornicating within his own fraternity. Hallmark of a man with a difference.

c) He loves to write his own rules and he writes them when he is flying. Interesting.

In fact he was the brain behind the quiz. The media encyclopedia he is, he hand-picked and created the quiz all by himself. And you know what the funniest answer was to a normal question:

Q: Who is ‘Bunty and Bubli’ of Indian Media?

A: Its Peter and Indarni Mukherjee (9x) for running away with promoters money.

He spent about a good one hour with us and 20 minutes he spent talking about ‘Charlie Wilson War.’ Great flick, must watch, it’s sensational. It's the story of how Taliban was created. Ten minutes he spent talking about Eastwood and when he couldn’t recollect the name of his latest movie he was desperate. ‘It’s the name of vintage FIAT car, come on men, don’t you know?’ Gran Torino it was but none could recollect it then. The disappointment the man had when he couldn’t get the name, killed almost all his enthusiasm. But even with his dying exuberance he was able to annoy most of us with his tongue skill. He kept talking and talking but I, for one, really loved it as he was talking cinema. He talked about how he wishes to bring Spielberg in India. To this I asked why not Tarantino, Coen Brothers? This was the only instance when he showed generation gap with the usual retort “Too much blood, too much violence.”

But all through he kept asking that actor “But man tell me how do you deliver the dialogue?” And you know what the actor even replied once ‘I don’t do it with out script.” Before he realized he was being taken for a ride it was too late for the artist.

Thanks K for this free ki Bacardi, good sumptuous food and more importantly for providing me with the chance to meet some very interesting and enterprising people.

People I am sending the link to AB and what you say, would he think?

a) Desperate, imbecile, retard-complete waste of my 5 minutes.(he reads fast, make it 2)

b) You over estimated your writing skill by comparing yourself with the actor.

c) Why should I care, I attend such parties every weekend?

d) Even though you are OK but it’s recession dear.

Erection Manifesto-II

2009-05-18T20:38:00.000-07:00

Ok I am still not done with this political thing. So emerges our new hope, new leader Rahul Gandhi G. I quite understand the hype and media attention being showered on this man for last three days. Our media, after all, is a congregation of well-spoken jerks whose only qualification is heisting and heralding and hoisting-the hype. Let us analyze Mr. Gandhi one by one-

Going alone in Up & Bihar- Saddi Barkha(NDTV) and also Aurnab(Times Now) the other day concluded not exactly in same words but in more or less similar sentences and they were “ Rahul has emerged not only as a face but also as the mind behind Congress. His decision to go alone in UP & Bihar was nothing less than a political masterstroke.” Now, what rubbish is that? Some one sticks it up your ass and leaves you on your own and some how you are able to pull it out miraculously. But does that mean you are some magician? Lallu leaves you 3 seats out of 42 and Mulayam doesn’t give you a chance even to negotiate. In that case do you need to be a nuclear scientist to realize that you have but to go alone? In Bihar they got only 3. Talking about UP, the credit goes to the other Gandhi more than Rahul G. His hate speech, SP’s concerted attempt to sideline computers and Azam Khan, and Mayawati’s flip-flop on Varun made Rahul G the only viable alternative. Did some one say Luck by Chance?

Rahul G’s Victorious Speech -“I am proud of poor people of this country, I am proud of youth of this country for this unprecedented verdict. I don’t think of short term, I am here for long term.”

I am proud of the poor people of this country- Why shouldn’t you be, dear? After all this poverty is the only thing you father, grand mother and grand forefathers have given to this nation. And you know as long as there are poor; there is every chance for you to exploit them. The funny thing about poor people is that you call them poor, you show them sympathy, spend night in their homes and they will be proud of their poverty, they will do anything for you. They did it in the past, have done it now and they will do it in the future. “Congress ka haath, gariib ke saath.” has some literal meaning. Ain’t it?

Youth and Rahul G-BJP, Left and the rest of the power-hungry ignorants didn’t realize there were over 10 million first timers. In marketing terms this segment was totally unaddressed. So here I give Rahul G full marks to exhort the change makers-the youth. There was a good campaign on youth by the congress party and it seems to have paid well.

I don’t think of short term, I am here for long term-Now this is a very shrewd statement. It could be easily used as a winner’s humble response. But in future he might use it for his inefficiency, inability and poor track record as well. But talking about long term rest assured, Gandhi family will rule this country as long as this country lasts. So you don’t need to tell you are here for long term.

Sweet Dictator or Proxy Dictator is our Gandhi Family-Every time a head rises against the family it gets beheaded faster than its rise. Ever since I started following politics, it happened with N.D. Tiwari, Rajesh Pilot, Sharad Pawar and lately Arjun Singh. Rao G lasted a full term but where and how he and his successors disappeared as soon as Madamji took charge nobody knows. Not that they were qualified and deserving but even if they were, they would’ve met the same fate. No, we won’t talk Manmohan Singh G. I don’t go by the premise that he is an over estimated economist or an underestimated politician. He’s simply reduced to nothing. He is simply nothing these days. Surprisingly there is never any hate speech or comment against anyof the rebels from 10 Janpath. This is what I call proxy dictatorship or Sweet Killing. The congress party is a racket and one enters it to serve not nation but Gandhi family.

Why hope is a dangerous thing?-Before you conclude that I am being paid by BJP or some other party, I clarify no. I am not. If any optimist BJP followers think that this defeat will give BJP a food for thought. That it would be able to reposition and realign itself to reality and sanity, I bet you he is deluding himself. BJP’s next-gen is hopeless and to quote Vir Sanghavi, ‘they are young jerks.’ Even if some one tries to outshine, RSS is there to keep a tab and they are, by no means, sweet dictators. On a personal level I find Rahul Gandhi an honest and sincere workhorse tho. But my problem with Rahul G’s evolution is his empty brain and irrelevant focus. He doesn’t understand technology, he has no-idea of foreign policy and in this back drop expecting him to be well versed with economy would be a big ask. Now this dumb fellow is going to be the media baby for the next five years. He will keep ranting ‘pro-poor’ and ‘yes- youth’ slogans. And yes he will keep making the usual media blunders he’s habitual of and clueless about. But who cares when nobody cares.

So you think he is the one,

Doesn’t that sound like a pun?

You hope that things will turn

But Tis the only way you will learn.

Hope my dear is a dangerous thing,

It never lets you come out of the ring,

Slowly and slowly it erodes the zing.

Hope will not end until you rue this fling.

We, as a nation, in fact need an idea- a social change concept. “A patriot must always be ready to defend its country against its government-Anurag Kashyap in Gulaal.” Now I don’t know what I want to say. May be you can read this. (if there is any energy left)

P.S. If you think you are jaded believe me not more than me. Politics is a bad thing even to write about. Never did I feel so exhausted with my writing. But I had to write it.

Erection Manifesto

2009-05-16T06:01:00.000-07:00

Before you get a misdirected hard on, I clarify that one of the meaning of the word erection is also building up or putting up. This particular post is about political erection-or political built-up.

So the news is out. And Singh is King yet again. Really?? Let see. But one thing is for sure Advani G is history. He will always be remembered as the “The Majboot Prime Minister India never had.” But he can always look up to Warne “The best captain Australia never had.”

Quick Recap-People have re-elected the government. Means development is happening, governments are more responsible. A close look, BJP too did well in the states it had its own government. Again confirms development is happening, governments are more responsible. A still more close look- Are those in power have learnt to manage media and election campaign better? Have they learnt to play the development prank? If we look at Rajasthan, Harayana, AP, Bihar, TN, Gujrat, Karnatka, Delhi, Maharashtra, Orissa-it seems so. Anti incumbency is quaint, Pro-development is the buzzword. But Left (WB, Kerala) and their Sister Maywati(UP-under power-ed) failed here as well and to say they lost badly would be an understatement esp for Left.

Dynasty and G- Just a short while ago I was catching up live updates on NDTV where Scindia Baba from Gwalior was in the victorious mode. Barkha asked him to reflect on the verdict and usual suspects Pranoy, Vir and some other luminaries were also there.

Jyotiraditya- “I think this is a mandate to Rahul G’s vision and focus on development. Rahul G’s focus on youth and Rahul G’s concern for poor has been well and truly appreciated. Rahul G is the future of this country.”

Barkha- So you mean to say that the time has come for Rahul Gandhi to be PM?

Suddenly Vir reminds her to suffix Rahul Gandhi with G and every one in the studio had a laugh but there were wrinkles on my stomach after the laughter I had seeing all this. What a sight to watch when a more efficient, dedicated once Aristocrat calls his colleague of same age G six times in three sentences. Is this the way you wanna show respect? Is this the modern democracy? Sibbals, Dikshits and Sanghavis they are suckers. But I didn’t expect it from Scindia baba. But then ‘To each his own.’

Even Rahul G spoke about dynasty a fortnight ago.

“ Yes, I am a product of this system. But it’s not that the things can’t be changed. Now that you have made me GS(with out any qualification and experience) I will ensure democracy within and outside the organization.”

And this makes me think after all-

This, my darling, is the democracy beer,

Things are never sane, they are never clear;

So you think will come some one, who would steer,

Hang on as G is the only world you would hear.

So why feel sad when finally its time to cheer,

Just raise the toast its democracy beer- its democracy beer.

Talking about my own expectations, my own constituency has sent another heir to the parliament. It’s not long away when this junior will be the Hooda G of my state. In the last term when he made his political debut he chose ‘Land Cruisers only’ in his convoy. I won’t mind if he goes for Porsche this time. He’s AMMRIKKA returned after all. Last time he got sanctioned that 6-lane highway straight to the capital. This was the only significant thing he did in his entire tenure. But I don’t mind as land prices were up around 1cr/ acre just by the news of the sanction. This time I expect him to get that road laid actually as this will ensure the price to go around 1.5 cr. And this means I won’t have to work for the rest of my life with that 1 acre of land I have. Hooda G, I’ll pray for your CM-ship if you do it. And if you could some how bring that pending Metro-line which is just 7 km away my city I’ll pray for your PM-ship as well.

Please Hooda G, please do it.

I don’t want to work. Please do it.

No body gives me work. Please do it.

Give me that road and that metro. Please do it.

Do that and ask my vote, ask my support.

I will be happy and I’ll be pleased to do it,.

(This is a random post; senseless would be the right word. But this is what happens when there is a hung verdict of thoughts in your mind.)

P.S. 18/05: You could refer this if you wanna have a more structured description.

The Cult of Appam

2009-05-12T17:38:00.000-07:00

Not that he’s some writing sensation or the hype that surrounds him that is prompting me to write this piece. But when an historical metaphor emerges from some one who is fake, it makes an interesting story. The fake has given the world a hope-

A hope that steadies the ship when in storm.
A dope that brings trance when life’s in form.
A loser’s dream, a winner’s cream
Imagine all in chorus, imagine all in scream…..
APPAM- APPAM-APPAM- APPAM-APPAM-APPAM

People this post is about Appam. Confused? Ok here’s a background story. Appam-ly err apparently, Appam is a member of our national cricket team and he is a fast bowler and a saint from God’s own country. I know, we all know who I am talking about so let’s stop it here.

The efforts put into create Appam, the hard work, the fake behind Appam’s fate everything is here. However, for your convenience and my philoaophical interpretation and explaination I am pasting underneath the entire Appam manuscript. Enjoy it and see how Appam’s new found celebrity status lands him in Bollywood and in History.

When fake sees Appam in a party-
Appam Chutiya was also there. I don't know what he is doing in SA coz he aint fit to play at all. Apparently, he is their main cheerleader. If so, I don't see him dancing around in mini skirts at the boundary line. But he sure was dancing here. Doing his stupid, ill-rhythmed break dance steps on club beats. He stood in one corner as if he doesn't want to get mobbed. But dude, nobody here cares a fuck for who you are. To them you are just a duffus with colored hair, glasses and strange dance steps. I went to the bar counter to get myself a drink. I overheard 2 girls talking. One of them seemed to be of Indian origin. They were talking about Appam Chutiya. One of them said that "he doesn't have a nose. He has 2 large holes instead of a nose".

Fake’s take on Appam’s slap-gate
Apparently, Appam Chutiya wasn't slapped by Meera Bhai aka turbulator during last yr's tournament. He was crying because his team owner Babli hugged everyone after the match other than him. The Prince of Patiala aka yuhin saw an opportunity to take Meera Bhai out of the equation and accused him of slapping Appam. I think Appam is still waiting for that hug.

Appam’s claim to fame-
Appam Chutiya's name is now cast in stone as his own players are also calling him that

Appam unperturbed by success-
And Appam was as usual busy making a fool of himself. He almost got his ass kicked last night. Appam has this uncanny ability to piss off anyone who's unfortunate enough to come within 2 kms of him. Even God must have been really pissed with him to make him look like this. And he got too close for comfort to Peter Ka Beta. The Prince had to pull him away and was heard.

Appam as King maker-
But look at the Bubblies. They have played a master stroke. They have Appam Chutiya in the squad only to piss the opposition off. Imagine, you are all pumped up for the match, have worked out your strategies, and are looking forward to taking on the opposition. You reach the ground and the first sight is that of Appam Chutiya doing some strange break dance steps at the touch line. That's enough to make every gut in your body cringe with revolt, enough to make every vein in your body burst open, and every muscle in your body react to the extreme pungency. And right then and there, you have lost the match without even a ball being bowled. SUperb! Superb!

Appam’s surprise act-
Appam Chutiya has started bowling in the nets and seems to be getting to match fitness. I think he may be back soon. So, all the best guys. Surprisingly though, he was quite well behaved, hardly ever acted himself at the nets. It's amazing how each IPL season Appam seems to leapfrog a few stages of the evolution cycle. Last year, with just one tight slap he suddenly evolved from being an Ape to a Neanderthal. And the run-in with Re-Peter seems to have magically brought him to the Cave Man stage. If someone were to meet him for the first time today, he could almost mistake Appam to be a normal human being.

Appam and humanity-
So, if I have not seen or heard about Appam Chutiya, I will refrain from writing about him. Talking about Appam Chutiya, the single-biggest contribution of this blog to humanity has been the reformation of Appam Chutiya. For the last week or so, he has been at his best behaviour since the time he was punished in school for pissing on the plants. My congratulations to all those who've made his name such a cult. In the last match, even the crowd in SA was calling him Appam. I would assume a Nobel Peace Prize for such service to humanity may not be too far fetched, would it?

Appam’s Class
Finally, as they say in English, "Form is temporary, class is permanent". Or, as they say in Hindi "Appam ka Samay aur Chutiya hamesha kat-ta hai". Appam's done it again. First, he messes with a guy twice his size who has just belted him for sixes & fours, and then he goes to Cool Dude asking about his chances of making it to the T20 WC team if the main bowler doesn't recover in time. Cool Dude just laughed it off saying that he doesn't plan on visiting the match referee during the T20 WC.

Appam and Prince-
The Prince is quite pissed with Appam. He's been trying to tell Appam to reduce his attitude and improve his bowling. I have heard that nothing pisses off Appam more these days than someone calling him by his new name - Appam. Apparently, Big Mac had called him just that during change of overs the other day. And Cool Dude, who was batting with Mac at the time, had a huge grin on his face when he heard him say so. Prince hit him exactly where it hurts by saying, "Attitude toh poora masala dosa ka deta hai, aur bowling Appam jaisa karta hai". When the boss cracks a joke, you got to roll on the floor with laughter. The whole team was in splits after that comment, although Appam wasn't quite amused. Probably he doesn't like people calling him only by his first name.

That was Appam’s character sketch and evolution and I know you are excited. But even Bollywood is singing Appam-anthem these days. Anurag Kashyap recently approached Appam for Gulaal’s sequal. Refer original promo here

This is Appam’s introduction in Gulaal-2

APPAM
Haan hun appam,
Ganda dance karta hun,
Pant bhi gandi karta hun
Bowling usse bhi gandi karta hun,
Field mein 6Ke khatta hun
Field ke bahar appam katvata hun
His highness APPAM-jay naam hai mera

Forget Vijay in Deewar, Forget Ransa in Gulaal just cherish Appam in Gullal-2

APPAM
Sleevless daal ke aata hai!
Mere se jyada 6ke khata hai !
Bubli se hug bhi leta hai !
Silicon hai uske pass !
.
.
.
.
Mere pass hole hain hole (points to his nose err his holes)

Voice Over- Silicon is temporary, holes are permanent….

Gulaal -2 Theme-
Iss Mulak ne harr saksh ko jo kaam tha sopa
Iss Mulak ne harr saksh ko jo kaam tha sopa
.
.
.
Uss saksh ne uss kaam ka APPAM bana ke kata

But the buck doesn’t stop here. Apparently Dil-Don, the King himself is making Knight Rider’s Kaante. It will show how rider’s shot each other on their way to gutter. Appam’s is in special appearance doing the role of Mahesh Manjarekar. Here’s the teaser

Prince: Attitude toh poora masala dosa ka deta hai, aur bowling Appam jaisa karta hai

Appam: Hun appam, hun saala appam, to kya?
.
.
Naak ki gazhai 2 hole dekhe kahin------------ -hun saala appam to kya?
School mein kabhi pant mein piss kiya? …….…..hun saala appam to kya ?

HAQ ke liye nahi maine HUG ke liye thappad khaya. phir bhi, phir bhi hug nahi mila. mili to kya tarikh, tarikh pe tarikh tarikh pe ---hun saala appam to kya?

tu- tu saale 6 maar ke bhi match harvata hai..Shakal dikha ke, sirf shakal dikha ke match jeetata hun.. hun saala appam, to kya?

Haan lekin ek baat yaad rakh APPAM ka Samay aur Appam, hamesha kat-te aaya hain..aur yeh yun hi kat-ta rahega…………………hun saala appam, to kya?

Yes, friends the day is not far when the cult of Appam will reach it’s critical mass. There will be Appam T-shirts, Appam handbags, Appam vibrators, Appam key rings. And everywhere you will find people talking--

Appam, movie thi, yaar?

Appam, lagta hai shakal se saala.

Khush mat ho Appam kaat rahi hai tera.

Appam job hai yaar, kya kaaren?

Appam saale, to cheez hai cheez.

Kya Appam-appa hai yaar?

If Don Quixote redefined idealism, if Catch-22 galvinized chicken-egg puzzle, Appam will go down in the annuls of history as the single most Indian contribution to literature in revolutionizing CHUTIYAPPA. (AMEN, AMEN, AMEN)

Aditya Lunch

2009-05-11T11:47:00.000-07:00

I was on my sarcastic and jocular mode just five minutes ago. I wrote some forcefully funny comments and thought I am good at sarcasm. In short was feeling good for myself. Our maid was on leave today so we had ordered dinner from Aditya Lunch (they do serve nice parathas). The boy came and everything was gone in a moment. He is 11 years old and I couldn’t dare ask his name. This is the sight I keep running away from don’t know since when. He is a happy cheerful kid. Unaware of anything (ignorance is bliss-fuck that).

Whats your age?
11 years.

Its 12’o clock what time do you go home?
1 bajj jaata hai bhaiyya.

And what time you are back in the morning?
7 baje.

How much do they pay you?
1200. Kuch aur achha hai to batao na bhaiyya .

You want to go to school? (Asked as if I am the only savior and could arrange for it)
He was going away don’t remember what he said.

So I am feeling bad.

What difference does it make?
And I think I am the only sufferer, fuck me.

I won’t call Aditya Lunch again as if it would help in my escape.
I won’t eat now as if my Satyagrah would empower me with some magical stick.

And even if in future I am able to support 1-2 kids it would be a guarantee for no such sight.

Life is a bitch and it’ll keep reminding I am a dog, wherever I go.

When I Screamed

2009-05-08T14:35:00.000-07:00

Today I went to an ATM to get some money to pay for the rent. The landlord had run out with his patience after a long wait of one week. I went there on a borrowed bike, parked it outside the kiosk, on the road and went straight in. Little did I know thulla-logg(cops) do have special plans for such locations. In the space of two minutes they towed the bike and shunned me. Fucktards, they know outside an ATM one can't even pretend not to have money.

I pleaded, they puked.

I paid and they moved.

Cut To:
Flashback. 4 years ago.

EXT. Road-- Evening
ME, DOGGY and SPORTY are riding on my bike. Awesome threesome. We are just out of the premiere of Zinda. Sporty is an allrounder-great shuttler,athlete and a brilliant cricketer. Add to that fattu also. Doggy is doggy just because he is doggy and has 'I dont know whats going around' written on his face. One of the happiest men I met. IGNORANCE IS BLISS not for nothing after all.

We have no helmet, licence, RC- nothing.

SPORTY

What a movie, yaar?

DOGGY

Korean film ka remake hai.

This was the only thing he knew and kept repeating right before we entered till next Friday. I dont respond. Just happy being with them, happy being with life, happy riding the bike.

Sporty-the fattu, suuddenly sees one thulla on a bike.

SPORTY

Bhagga isko banchod, maamu peeche hai.

Even the mammu who was lost in his world notices it.

THULLA(Shouting)
Side lo.

Side lo isko.

Not that we have no money but we hate to pay thullas. My evil mind has other plans and I pretend to slow down the bike.

Sporty, get down and run in that street.

SPORTY

What?

ME(Shouting)

Get down and run in that street,

I am gonna run.

Thulla gets the hint before Sporty and brings his bike closer to mine. He stretches his hand to take the key. Sporty is down by now.Thulla is alomst at us, I grab his hands and pushes him with his bike. He meets mother earth, mouth faced. I am ecstatic and ridding between 90-100.

DOGGY

Maashiode (thats MF in Hyderabadi)

Maashiode, what the fuck do you

think you have done?

Just keep quite, lemme drive.

DOGGY

He had wireless with him.

We are gonna be ' Over & Out'

Shut up. We are close to Necklace Road.

5 mins and we are on Road # 10.

DOGGY

Khairatabad, they will be there in Khairatebad.

And believe me you will come to know

what it takes messing around thullas.

He knew it really was not a film shoot.
It was an act that would land us in soup.

ME(trembling)

Ok we will go via Lakdi Ka Pool then.

But dont scare the balls out of me.

Be cool, it ll be ok.

Cut To:

EXT. Kiosk-- Day

We are at Rehman's sutta joint, Sporty is addressing a group of 10 odd budding, lunatic managers -the misers who feel alive just because they have ciggarette in their hand. Hes narrating them my daredevilery not knowing nothing would trigger those losers.

SPORTY

Thullae ko!

banchod thulle ko!

Hes crazy. I had to run in the street I never entered.

Thanks for that cyber cafe or I would have gone.

Hes psycho, never sit behind him.

Those listening, some are amused but most disapprove. It was at this moment that I learnt people never care who I am, they never will. I had pulled the stunt of my life and they didn't even move.

I shrugg and puff and don't utter.

CUT TO:
EXT. ATM-- Day(Present)

When I never paid heed I did succeed,

I try to be decent and I am left to bleed.

Life keeps playing slut that is her only gleam.

I just lost 200 bucks and I want to scream.

P.S. Koi lauta de mere bite hue din

Once Upon A Time in Recession

2009-04-28T06:57:00.000-07:00

Assed out again he has finally decided to pursue his dream. No more chasing, no more licking. Times are not good in general but for him it’s all the same. It has been same for last three years. But those close to him are making sure it gets worse. Here’s a glimpse of some of the colorful conversation he had with them-

J, the one he has a special bond with calls.
All well?

He
All is well when you are in hell.
Believe me there is this deep urge to yell.
And there is nothing else to tell.
I wish I had a body that I could sell.

J
See the only thing I find in you is passion and a will to go through the grind. Shit happens but carry along.

He
Yeah. You are right-shit happens. Not too sure about others but it happens to me all the time. Don’t mind I will carry along. As if there are options if I don’t.

J
See, I told you struggle is just a word to others but the one who goes through it, he knows how ugly an adjective is it.

He
J, you know what, this is the only good thing that ever came out of your mouth, which has been stinking with those babes’ lipstick you keep licking. Seeing you first time, I had never expected you will talk like this. It was a pleasant surprise. But you are so repetitive about it that it’s no more a placebo. So will you please keep quite and tell me if there is anything you are designing lately?

J
He has understood the frustration and situation. ‘Man, boss calling up, talk to you later. Take good care of you.’ Cuts the phone.

His bro, Mr. SS(supremely supportive), wants to make sure he is all good. After all, he’s been the only regular link with the family. After the Mangal Pandey act rest of them have distanced themselves and how happy and content all of them are. But SS has seen the world, at least physically, though not as closely as him. And it shows in the way he is pampering (read pestering) this ambitious ass.

SS
So how is it coming, kiddy?

He
Great Bro. Never realized my life can be this beautiful. Babes are coming fast and going faster when I am at Panwalla to fetch my cigarette. Bills are coming so regularly. Sleep is also coming but only after sulking the whole night. But it’s coming though. It’s great coming so far.

SS
You know what, people talk big of dreams, of taking their life in their own hands but you are actually doing it. Success and failure are not in our hands but efforts are. I am happy you are giving it all.

He-to himself
(How cruel world this world is. Now this man has traveled all across and he has seen people sulking in various ways, now he wants to see it closely. And he has become so ruthless he doesn’t even spare his own blood)

That’s right, I guess, bro. Let see how it goes after coming so heavily.

SS
Hey do tell me anytime you are in trouble and I mean financial.

He
(Now he is ready to sponsor my suffering also. This is height.)
Yeah. Sure.

Ms Singh she is his former colleague (HR) and one of the few followers to read his erratic whims. She understands the situation much better and accordingly suggests solutions.

Singh
Man, long time no post on the blog, no calls. What’s the matter?

He
The fact my dear, is that I no longer have a corporate connection-thanks to you and your entire HR Team, I no longer have a job either. Anyways its great to know that you guys spend 2 cr. a day to sponsor that shitty league and save peanuts cutting balls of a trivia as insignificant as me.

Singh
Come off it. At least YOU don’t talk like a loser. Its 4th time I am calling, what were you doing?

He
I was just sleeping.

Singh
4 PM and you were sleeping. Were you in the dance bar or what in the night?

He
I was just selling cigarettes at the Chowk. You know I am making 2 rupees per cigarette in night and believe me it’s the only business where there is 50 percent margin even in recession. Night Life is great here and I am able to earn enough to feed myself.

Singh
I feel for you. I wish you were not born in India. I wish there were strip bars in India. In times like these people like you could sustain with out compromising their sleep. This is a tabooed society. Why can’t they allow male stripping?

He
Thanks dear. At least you are the one who understand my situation.

Singh
No need to tell. Friends are for these times only.

He
Hey tell me one thing, one day when I am successful, when every one around recognizes me, when I am famous, will you handle my PR? They are not wrong when they say you are better off in PR than HR.

Singh
That I know but to be a PR to a stripper, that would be awkward.

He
Get lost.

His mentor and patron has this special bond with him. There is significant amount of pep talk, books and contacts that the mentor has invested in him. So one day the patron calls up the protégé to make sure everything is all right.

Patron
What’s up dude? Done with that stuff you told about?

He
No yet, sir. IPL just screwed it up. I hope to finish it in next couple of weeks.

Patron
So you are dreading deadlines even before you are anything. Good. Did you meet Mittal?

He
Yes, I did. He told me he has no say in creative and worse still he informed Creative Director is not gay either. In short no chance what so fucking ever.

Patron
What about Nishit?

He
I had a long discussion with him too. He is an enlightened man. He spent about an hour with me explaining how this is not a good time to begin with. He is an encyclopedia on recession. It was great meeting him, though I wanted to hit him on the balls the moment he mentioned recession. But I wanted to test my limit of patience, I am glad I could endure him.

There is a quartet in his life as well. The foursome, with whom he drank, drove and doped and danced. They are all missing him at the Fountain, at the Farm and in the Market. But they don’t know SH, O, C& K(SHOCK) all of them together, are giving him the shock of his life. They don’t do much they just ask ‘How is it going, yaar?’

SH
Hey man, went to any beach or not?

He
Last week. It was not a good experience.

SH
What happened?

He
Nothing much. It’s just that I went there in the night. A couple was making out on those falling waves. I got charged and started jerking off.

SH
Shit! on beach? Did anyone see you?

He
Yup on beach. There was a gay just a few feet away. I couldn’t notice it was dark. Suddenly I realized there were two hands on my thighs.

SH
Then?

He
Then what. I told myself to be brave, pushed him aside and ran as hard as I could never.

SH
Ohh!

He
This city is not for loner, yaar. I miss you guys.

O
Wrote something lately?

He
Yeah. Good that you called. It was just the other night I wrote ‘Chutiya’ on my ass with a marker.

O
Interesting. But why?

He
Its for all those men sitting on couch. If anyone tries to cast it in my ass he will see that writing on the ass.

O
Innovative thinking, I must say.

He
I just want people to forget that phrase ‘Writing on the wall’ instead remember it as ‘Writing on the ass.’

C
How is the weather there?

He
C, my jaan. Weather is good, pitch (my ass) is nice and flat. It has bounce in it early on but good for banging I mean batting as the sun shines out. But the problem is recession. None of them is willing to take the early risk.

K
Any good news?

He
K thank god you called. Good news? Yeah there are many. KJO was cordial, ADI is supportive. Screwala doesn’t screw around. He understands the cinema.

K
Don’t tell me.

He
Don’t YOU tell me fucker. Industry mere baap ki hai na. They were just waiting for me only to arrive. There are people struggling since ages. And the way things are they will continue for next few lives. Good news my fuck.

K
Its ok. Take it easy.

He
I was just yelling. You too take it easy.

Don't Ever

2009-04-26T04:02:00.000-07:00

“I don’t understand this strategic break in a T20 game? Its got nothing to do with strategy, its all about Ad revenues.” What’s your take on it?
But do you really think IPL has got something to do with cricket? Its all about money. You interviewing me is also about money, everything is about money.

Why there is no movie in multiplexes? Why they are on strike?
Multiplex wallas want 33 percent reservation in parliament. They say they serve public more than anybody. Moreover when Dabba wallas can go to Harvard they at least deserve to be in parliament. They have promised to run parliament debates on their screens. What else do you want?

Who is fake IPL player?
The only real thing in this fake world.

Why the congress didn’t give ticket to Arjun Singh’s daughter?
Congress told him “but my dear, you didn’t pass the reservation bill for it.”

Why Prakash Karat won’t be a PM?
Because the only beautiful thing left with the Left is his wife and she is no where in the promo of this PM movie. Lalu, Paswan, Amar Singh, Sharad Pawar wont mind lending a supporting hand provided She asks for it. Don't think otherwise, I only mean they will do it for the sheer respect for Bhartiya Nari. May be in the second half we could see some twist.

CAT, from now on will be conducted by foreign agency. Can you explain?
Honey, we are a generous nation. We love to give away our best things. Nonetheless we will take it back in future via some auction like the Gandhi stuff we got recently. We love to give fortune for peanuts and then spend forunte to get some peanuts back.

“I will give Mayawati a jhappi and also a pappi.” Would you like to comment on what Sanju said?
It just goes on to show his taste.

What’s your take on recession?
It has receded in my ass and I have moved on.

Australia isn’t be sending their Davis Cup squad in India. Won’t it affect India’s image?
This was bound to happen. What else do you expect when you dictate Sania to play in a Saari?
Sania’s strength is her backhand, I mean back end. When you will hide it in a Saari there will be no audience, no opponents. She just won a mixed double tournament after four years. Thanks to her back end she could distract.

Indian cinema is changing. There is a new wave with exciting talent, new ideas, new content. Who would you like to attribute it to?
The fact that casting couch has got acceptance in media as well with general public, it reflects in the work. When everyone concerned is happy and satisfied it shows on screen.

“Cast your vote.” “This isn’t the end but this at least is the beginning.” “You can bring the change.” “Be the change you want to be”
Everywhere on TV, all stars are chanting these words. Will it really be able to inspire youth?
Everyone one knows they are shooting from their ass. None of them knows what they are really talking about. As for change it will only reaffirm the belief of the youth in the uselessness of it all. And they will prefer to enjoy the boring IPL matches after this. Good for them good for IPL.

Advaniji says “Manmohan Singh is the weakest Prime Minister ever.”
Probably he is telling form his experience.

Ms Swaraj and surprisingly Ms Bharti also proclaim Advaniji is a “Majboot Neta”
They must be sharing their experience. But at this age I wonder.

Interview is over. Journo thanks him and leaves. After five minutes he gets a call. Ohh, its journo again.

Hi journo. Forgot something?

Journo

Forgot my fuck. So you think you

are funny. You scum. You know what-

In just half an hour, in bloody half

An hour my balls got

chocked with water in them.

You think you are funny.

It takes balls and it takes

Brains to be funny.

Journo?

Journo

No, its not recession,

Its your brain that is

Inside your rotten ass

And your balls got busted

In that couch you wanted to be

cast in. You think you are funny.

You want to have fun.

Calm down journo.

You don’t know what

Are ya sayin?

Journo

I bet you I know.

This fuckin job of mine.

Every time, everywhere I get to deal

with People like you.

Today waana tell you I

Wont take it anymore.

Motherfucker you think

You are funny. Don’t

Ever try to be funny again.

Someone will stick it up ur ass

And your brain will be in trouble then

You Asshole. You want to be funny.

Don’t ever.

GULAAL -Review

2009-03-13T05:54:00.000-07:00

I wrote in my last post ‘I am going to pay for just the promo of Gulaal the rest of the movie would be a bonus’. No, it’s not a bonus it’s a Bonanza.

Story-Gulaal as the posters suggest is about LOVE, POWER & REVOLUTION. The main protagonist enrolls in a college for the love of his career and thinks he has found the love of his life. The supposed love and her brother are illegitimate and fight for the name and power they are entitled to. Then there is a revolutionary angle about the land and glory of the past with KK as its flag bearer. The rest of the cast revolves around it.

Characters & Execution- Nikhat Kazmi wrote in TOI today ‘characters are not well written.’ This, for your kind information Ms. Kazmi, is the best example of how characters are written and their evolution is shown beautifully through the course of the movie. She didn’t understand the character of Ms Anuja(Jessy Randhava). I ask ‘will you understand what happens when a female teacher is locked naked in a room with her student?’ That was trauma depicted at its subtle best. Someone please ask Ms. Kazmi ‘who janam se hi ullo ki pathi hai ya usne koi course kiya hai?’ (This is in the movie). Kazmi is okay with first half but she has problem with second half. First half is a Blast a blast never seen in the past and second half only complements the first one and in no way slows it down. Kazmi also has problem with screenplay. For your kind information Nikhattu ji ‘Gujjar Andolan’ just a few months back halted the life in South Delhi for a good few hours and you will have to come out of your Metro hangover just to realise colleges in hinterland are actually like this. Now, you may give him 3 stars or 3-2(teen ghate do) star ‘usse jhaat pharak nai padta’(this is also in the movie.)

Casting and Performances-This was one of the rarest occasions when I saw the name of a casting agent in titles and how great a job he has done. Brilliant. The roles are well written and dialogues even better. So when you are given the platform to put your best foot forward the performances are supposed to be commensurate. And not even a single one disappoints. KK is Great as usual. The girl who plays the illegitimate sister and female protagonist (Sayra Mohan) is diabolically dhinchaak. So is Ransa(Abhimanyu Singh) and Bhati(Deepak Dobriyal), Mahi Gill and everyone.

Music & Camerawork- These have been Kashyap’s forte in all of his works. Look of film is dreading, dark and thus deadly. Music is folkish thus relevant and lyrics poetic. The modern take on ‘Sarfaroshi Ki Tammana & Yeh Duniya agar Mill Bhi Jaye tau Kya hai’ are revelations.

Some personal weird musings-Kashyap says the movie is based on the song from Pyaasa- Yeh Duniya agar Mill Bhi Jaye tau Kya hai’ but I personally find it an Indian answer to Goodfellas . Both Goodfellas & Gulaal in their own different way tell what happens when you are born in a Murkier & Gorier surrounding. You try to alter your course and you end up saying 'yeh duniya agar---'. Martin Scorsese gave Hollywood its De Niro and Kashayp its Indian equivalent KK. Scorsese-De Nero combo has given Hollywood some of its best Noir and B genre work and Kashyap-KK bond is defining Indian neo-realism. (Balck Friday, Paanch & Gulal).

I hereby request the readers not to make another Omkara of Gulaal. Men, just give the devil his due finally. But I know you won’t listen. Your spouse is adamant to make Singh the King yet again and you will give up for the sake of your Partner.

Who Does He Think He Is Anyway?

2009-03-11T07:00:00.000-07:00

What’s the first thing you say when you find someone nasty?
What’s your reaction when you find yourself unable to deal with a man with no sign of conventionality?
What’s your response when you encounter sheer arrogance?
Finally, what’s your first reaction at a rebel?

Most of us end up saying-‘who does he think he is anyway? Samajta kya hai apne aapko?’ So who is that man that brings the worst in us? No, we won’t include one’s boss as he’s most obvious but still a byproduct of situation. You guys go and explore yours and let me elaborate mine.

Salman Khan, Shane Warne, Sanju Baba, Shoaib Akhtar - they are controversy’s favorite kids. They just thrive on it. But they are no way near arrogant and they reflect no image of a mutiny. They are more of anti hero and Janta Janardan still have soft corner for them. Rakhi Sawant- she tries her best in her ugliness, silliness and sleaziness but again she is a no brainer.

But here I stop mentioning imponderables and come to the point.

Mr. Anurag Kashyap

Everything about this man is anything but normal and expected. He wrote his first movie, Satya, at 22 and he didn’t start writing it at 12. He wrote the most revolting underworld saga in just 10 days. And he ended up being an antithesis of the man who gave him his first assignment-RGV. ‘Creative Differences’ they say.

At 27, when people in the film industry told him-
‘It ain’t happen like this.
You can’t do it without Stars.
Man, you would need money.’
He wrote and directed Paanch with all first timers- from camera man to editor, from music director to art director, from Spotboy to the entire cast. Paanch is yet to be cleared by Government. He says ‘I did it out of anger’ but to the rest of us he ended up showing defiance- a tangible, watchable, feelable conviction.

He wrote Black Friday in 36 bloody hours at a single stretch. He shot it in 68 days and at 70 real locations across the country with a crew counting 270. People in the Bollywood gave him Oscars and Five Stars but they didn’t go to see his film in the theatre. BF is the boldest movie in its content and in the audacity of its creator.

He gave Bollywood, its worst film ever, No Smoking -as per critics (KJ). I wish there was awareness of Kafka in India. I wish people had read The Trial just to understand how great an attempt No Smoking is. For the kind information of the readers of this post NS has nothing to do with smoking. It’s about what happens when a man wants to live his life his own way. Smoking, there, is just one of the choices. But Kashyap still says ‘I knew the fate beforehand and I don’t give a circular fuck and I am still proud of NS.’

He showed Yashrajs the real Punjab and Real Red Delhi and mocked the opulence of Bhansali by showing a subdued Dev, a more believable Paro and still more unapologetic but authentic Chanda. Dev D is not a great film but it’s a slap on conventions. It’s an honest film.

A long interaction with a former buddy, a buddy of his time of struggle, reveals ‘Once Kashyap was going to pay the rent to his landlord with the only 4k he had and had borrowed from someone. He saw a bookstore and bought books instead.’ He survived somehow. He is the most -well read writer-director in the industry and a self sufficient encyclopedia on world cinema. The buddy reveals when strugglers like him were finding it difficult to survive, Kashyap was getting 5k a day. The buddy changed the line and the city; he has a luxury car and a luxurious house in South Delhi today. Kashyap didn’t change himself he still doesn’t have his own shelter.

‘Yeda hai’ says the buddy about him-and tells most that interact with him end up with a reaction equivalent to ‘Who does he think he is anyway?’

His limited exposure in the media makes him my second best choice for this ‘Yeda’ award. I will reveal my first choice in the next post.

But Kashyap is my first choice as a filmmaker and as a man who stands up for himself-the one who speaks for himself and speaks against one and all. And if you too wanna have a second thought about the man - go and see Gulal this Friday. This, according to the devil himself, is his best work. Me, I am too happy with the promo itself. It’s the best promo ever to have come out of Bollywood. I am going to pay just for the promo the rest of the movie will just be a bonus.

Keep treading your own road,
You may not get all the applaud,
But had you cared you won’t have taken the load,
For you have got a mind that is too broad,
And your every creation is nothing but an explode.

When honor turned into a horror

2009-02-16T21:46:00.000-08:00

How honor operates in a man? I wish it was just another line or to elaborate just another line-to me. It’s from Fountainhead and its Gail discussing it with Dominique. Though every word in the book is special in its own right, this line stands out- to me. Having read that line numerously, I often contemplate about this horror genre. I juxtapose my mistakes and my so called high points and try to find how honored or horror-ed I feel at them. Expectedly, I find myself in an endless stream of guilt and with a slight ray of hope that one day I would be able to turn myself around.

I am detailing out one incident when my honor was mocked, raped and was turned into a horrific horror. It was during my stint with an Architectural Firm. I was in the Business Development and my job was to sell the firm to prospective clients. I had used big jargons during the interview and so expectations were commensurate. A few months into the job, I hadn’t done anything substantial to justify my salary. My boss (He is a certain Chopra and yes very much like Prem and also Pret Chopra to be specific) had given me constant reminders to raise my level of competence. I mean competence in designing glossy presentations and articulately deliver them. It wasn’t that I didn’t try but my best effort was still not good enough. So, one day the death bell finally rang. He asked me to look for another job and gave me three months for it. Since the beginning he had been ruthless, unsupportive, inhuman and aloof. But at that moment he was all of them together and much more.

On one side I wanted to shout-Did you ever sit with me? Did you, for once, help me learn the craft? I am just a fresher and I needed some guidance. But why- was on another side.
I knew he was devil only to me and not to his work. He was always apt at it- be in decorating power point templates or delivering the same to Sarkari Babus as well to big developers. He was just good at it.

I was in dilemma; I wanted to kick his balls and also wanted badly to learn some of the art from him. So, to save my so called honor-I followed the escape route and threw my resignation at his table within next five minutes. He tried to stop but washroom was calling. I bolted the door from inside. No, I didn’t jerk, I cried loudly- at my helplessness and at his dexterity, at my willingness to learn and at his inhumanness. It was -he was logical but still not consistent and I was bad but not bad enough kind of situation.

By evening, I was with my room mate who tried to console me with sweeteners and exhortations like- Yaar- you are not that bad, uttha lein salle ko (he had been a college time goon and so did I) , to hell with that job et al. I gave up and we drank and everything was normal by morning.

I am fascinated towards big words, don’t know since when-but I am. I pick them up, try to follow them and then the practicality of life ensues and I curse not me but those words-why they were invented at all. Thus honor is still an unsolved mystery and I never feel dignified. Thanks to my early life bad company, I still commit grossest of the things and then try to play with the words (I am doing it now) to delude myself.

What the fuck are benchmarks for?
Why are you born when you know you can never be perfect?
Why did I do that?
Why I still do that?
Why carnal pleasures (sex, cigarette) can never be overpowered?

(It’s a senseless post of mine but I had to write it and please, don’t suggest yoga and spirituality and self help books. It’s a psychological issue and I am on my way to become a psycho to overcome it.)

Discard

2009-01-19T22:41:00.000-08:00

I want to have cars,
I want to flaunt love through that beautiful babe;
And I want attention,
But nothing matches the charm of being a discard.

The New Man in my Life - J

2009-01-14T03:32:00.000-08:00

It’s not easy task to describe the mood when you finally meet that man in your life, the man you were waiting for all these whiles-the perfect partner-your man. He’s J-my latest obsession(Refer Pic). It’s been eight months since we first shook hand at the induction. Ahh! Those first moments when we felt each other’s energy in our hands, those were special and we are hand in pants since then. People! spar mae da horr (Spare me the horror) but he is the most charming face around (his skin, his stubble, his height, his lean but toned bod…… omg)- he is my newest

man after all. It becomes very difficult for me to suffer the office chores when he is not around. He comes over to my cubicle every twenty minute and I go to his after another ten minutes, means we are only ten minutes away from us. What clicks for us, why we so much like each other’s company, why are we an item are some of the things we will discuss in this Fashion-ably compelling Dostana tale?

Some random matchings-matings-musings-

>We are both from small towns with big dreams and lost trains. Yes, so are many but hell we care.
>We both are Big Time Brand Savvy-Italian brands to be specific. We both started our brands’ affair with Benetton (Benetau, this is how it’s actually pronounced) but he’s more inclined towards Sisley. Our ratio of apparel shopping is 1:2. i.e. for every single piece I buy he brings two and thanks to his business background. Our recent common crush is Alcott and Boggi is next in pipeline. Gucci, Armani, TOD, Zegna and Ferrari will have to wait for a while but they are not out of contention. Madura Garments and Arvind Brands are also in the fray but only when the stuff is good and different and we are in first week of the month. And we are expert in mixing Sarojini Nagar stuff with GK-1 and Janpath with Khan Market. (Yeh Jalwa Fashion Ka Hai).

>We need each other to bitch about anything and everything and we love it.

>We both are great readers and between us, we have crossed ten fiction ordeals including three gems from Chetan Bhagat and incidentally we read Fountainhead as well. So, how diverse/digressed our taste is, you can imagine.

>We both had an instant crush for Howard Roark and we jointly tried to figure out how he would walk, how one can flaunt one’s indifferent best etc. The mediocre we are we both failed. We even went to a corporate event to have first person glimpse of a real life Roark. His achievements are rock solid and he’s an architect but the way he was squeezing that cigarette we both were hugely disappointed. He almost raped the whitely clad babe. He was so hungry for attention- so us-ish that we immediately left the scene before he could open his mouth. On the way back J told me “Man, you play Roark better while in smokes than that idiot. Hold the puff baby, hold it, somebody, tell him yaar. And he became an architect just because he liked Fountainhead-asshole.”

>I am not much of a hunk but then he is not that cheap and that’s how we compliment each other.

>But the one that did it all, the one that started this Fire, the one that resulted in this bang-bang bond is the fact that we both worship Arjun Rampal. “Really?” “YES, really.” These were our pleasantly surprised reactions at the news and boys, did we hit off from that point onwards? Normally, I don’t care if I have a colleague who is sincere, docile, concerned, whatever. He’s just a colleague after all and he will stab you at the first opportunity. I never do nor does J. But both of us had faced the same bouncers over the years. “Arjun is a deadpan, he can’t emote, he is so uninteresting,” and the most heinous of the lot “He has got a husky tongue.” I almost killed a dear pal over this ass shoot off. Arjun, after all has the manliest of a voice next only to Mr. Amitabhji Bachhan. We had paid heavily over the years for our common devotion. So, all we needed in our life was not some handsome hike neither a chirpy chick, we badly required a fellow who could rant Rampal like we did. And we are happy to have finally met us. For heaven’s sake it’s not due to Rock On or OSO but I would say, despite them. We have backed him even when he gave 11 duds in a row. Recently, we have applied for a joint license for AK47 (directly with ISI), especially, for lumberjacks who say: John is better/ Hrithik is hunk/ Saif is royal/ stumpy Shahid is cute/ Salman is a rock star/ Dino’s got good packs too/ even Zayed is a shining star. Keep mum wherever you are or we won’t mind going on a killing spree. However, there is some respite but only for the members of Johnny Depp fan club and that too for the fact that we want some competition at the international level. Nishant Dahiya is a potential Indian threat though. He's my bro and I am biased but I am never wrong in predicting an existing big thing. Coming back to us, J, for your information, recently tabooed err tattooed both his forearms ala Arjun. (The sucker got to meet Him in one of the Rock On concert and couldn’t even sms me about it. He was kick asssed meeting him and I kicked his ass knowing this). He’s an adorable son though. He actually tattooed his parents’ epithets- so nice but so unlike me.

>One of the whacky things from a long list that we often do. Once for a meeting, we were standing right in the middle of an international hospitality masterpiece (The Park) and national heritage herald (Jantar Mantar). We were waiting there for the valet to get us the car who was taking time and we both were hungry. Suddenly, J picked up his prathanas brought to him regularly by this sweet colleague of ours N. These were maithi ones and nothing was stuffed inside and we rolled them and started chewing like crazy. It was only later that we realized these two beautiful babes, they were staring us all this time. We are still clueless were they hungry for our attention or those prathanas? It was special as it was not planned. It was instant and reminded both of us of our college days.

>The only good part of our job is that ride we take from CP to Saket 3-times a week. Until India Gate we talk about job and clients, by Jor Bagh the topic is changed to aims and dreams, by the time we cross Lodhi Colony we are done with lost love in our lives. At Ansal Plaza we start bitching about colleagues and by the time we get to Saket we are able to finish our quota of Movies, Music and other Miscellaneous Matters.

Ergo, if you think, we have Broken our Backs over some Mountain or Minted Moans in Moonlit Miami, you are taking it wrong, dude. We are “Straight as an arrow.” At times, I think of our relation-shit err ship and I am glad finding it’s not an oath of life long friendship nor it’s in face frolicking and butt back biting bit as is the case in an organizational set up. Here are two individuals enjoying each other from 10 till 6 until it’s too late and nothing else thereafter. Yes, there are occasional “Catch Zoom-Arjun is there in Kingfisher Calendar Launch party” from his side and “HBO-Perfect Stranger 10 minutes from now, edited but still an awesome femme fatale” from me but nothing more. We never hang out on weekends. Also, he is a spoilsport- doesn’t drink nor smokes. It’s because of his simplicity that I hung on to him and my oneliners keep him going.

In short, though I made it so long, we are two beings trying to make fun out of a boring, killing and not sure tomorrow job and we have no string attached whatsoever. Normally, I feel compelled in a relationship; there are so many unspoken and unstated expectations. But this one is beautiful and free flowing. And I enjoy such hassle free hitches. He doesn’t give a damn about my hinterland hangovers and I care least about his business baggage. We don’t care who actually we are as long as we are ourselves and that makes it special.

Make what you have to and one last time hell is all I care.

My New Year

2009-01-01T05:38:00.000-08:00

So 2009 has finally arrived and I am surprised I am still alive. Yes, you are right I am gonna write about what I did last evening, how the year 2008 has been for me and what not shall I do in 2009.

First thing first-last evening five of us got out of our houses, sat in Shantanu’s new year’s new car and headed for Guliya Bhai’s office cum farm house (and by Bhai I mean BHAI and in every sense of the word). It’s our ‘The Destination’ in the world and for all of us better than ‘Urban Pinds’ and Hard Rock Cafés of the world. We have a service boy at our disposal there who brings us Cigarettes, Chips, Chickens and in this flow of Cs i wanna say Chicks too-but this thing is strictly prohibited there and a reluctant thank to Guliya Bhai for this last clause. So, we arrived there armed with Old Monk and Smrinoff. And after each of us had done with the ritual I mean after everyone had spoken with their respective girlfriends, (I spend this time with Raju the service boy-‘where from Bihar, who else is in your family so on and so forth’. This is my way to avoid embarrassment and uselessly try to reassure myself about my singlehood.) we raised the toast to 2009. All was going fine but suddenly there was an altercation, between Sandy and Desu ‘u din take my call that day- I was in Gym, cell was at home and it went on and on.’ It was the minutest of the issue but it led to many a Ulhanees(long pending reciprocations).There was a clash in our ‘Company’, it was not normal, we drink every weekend but this was rare….all of us were involved in a while and it seemed a mess. K and Me are the usual suspects of our gang- we shrewdly avoid any discussion on us and fuel the fire by laughing at anything at everything spoken. We both were startled to see how ugly turn our bantering had taken.

It was something uncalled for but it had forced all of us to feel shocked. Enters M.The eldest among us and already he has made all of us chachus. So for this favor of him we reciprocate by paying attention to anything he says. He yelled some sermons and vows of friendship and believe me when you are four pegs down you don’t like to be educated. But situation was such we had to and at hindsight I think it was necessary as it helped in the soon to followed Maandwali. As soon as it was settled all of them yelled at me when I tried to imitate M by saying “come on yaar when ll we grow up” words were ok but not the timing and all of them shouted at me-
“South India jake tu apna culture bhool gaya hai, don’t you know it’s common here to follow a name with Gandu…pyar to isi se dikhta hai….aur haan hamne 2008 ki jitni bhadas nikalni thi naikal li”

“But I thought it was real.”

“It was real but not that serious as you take it.”

That’s how we all are-well organized in our randomness. Finally the mood was back We all played in loop that ragini from Oye Lucky Lucky Oye-Tu Raja Ki Rajdulari and there was unanimous verdict-this is the best folk song from land of Haryana and for me the first complete Haryanvi song I listened. No, I am not into Pink Floyds, Metallicas, Pearl Jams and Coldplays of the world. It’s just that I grew up around Kumar Sanu and I still prefer him over everything. But to every lover of music I recommend this folklore-ruthlessly sung from heart-Yes, heart- throat is just a pretence here.

We drank heavily-Rum,Vodka all rolled into one. Jokes were back.We had seen two faces of our Dosti-in these two hours of two overlapping years.

But Me & Shantanu were still not convinced with the Cocktail-so we spoke in eyes and then we both smirked and rest of company yelled-
“Tanker ho gaye ho tum dono”
“So what-anybody game for Blenders Pride”

Desu joined us rest of them joined the call for a home drop. We dropped them one by one and reached to another Get Together where only Shantanu was invited for. We finished our dose of BP to calm our BP. Then we danced too, don’t know for how long, don’t remember how I reached home, don’t know where did I vomit all the frustrations of 2008, don’t know y I slept only in my newly bought Alcott Undy in minus one degree temperature and don’t know how I entered in 2009.

My dad took me to our farm or to be precise KHET today and we were there to inspect the seeded crop of wheat. He was saying- “This is the problem of outsourcing-yahan se sukha chhod diya- is bar yeh GHINKE hain (the crop is dense this time) , See those they were sowed one month ahead of ours but none can tell the difference now” and I was like what the hell is going on I was still under hangover - I still am.

As for 2008- another year gone by.

And 2009 -another year that would be, terrorists forbid, gone by.

As for things that I shall not do-

I shall not quit smoking. I prefer to burn myself and fade away than only fade away.
For my average tenure of six months in a company I shall not resign this time not unless I am assed out.
Even if chucked I shall not apply elsewhere and thanks Recession for raising my audacity.
I shall try not to bug people who like to mind their own business.
No, I shall not write any script or direct that Yashraj Banner flick that Mall I am trying to lease is too close to my heart.
I shall not force my HR Manager to read my blog after her declared verdict that I am too predictable in my sarcasm and abuses. And I think she is yet to grow up in thinking (wink)

My Joy De Vivre

2008-12-01T22:11:00.000-08:00

Too much of Mumbai-Seize, I can’t write about it especially when I know oodles of typing would still be too less and after next couple of days I would be just another common man praying it’s not me the next one and that’s all. There is no point in being superficially concerned when the only thing I can do is to curse politicians and hail our commandoes who I have already forgotten.

Today, I am writing about my newest fascination i.e. the joy I find in the quotes by big and successful ones. I know it’s kind of ridiculous and heinous to share your joy de vivre in an hour of national mourning but after much deliberation my conclusion is ‘I shall still be normal, no matter what’.

So here are some that amuse me:

“If you don't have a competitive advantage, don't compete.”Jack Welch
And thanks to Mr. Welch that I am jealously lazy and profoundly laidback. But deep down, it itches me to have one of my own.

“The best way to get approval is not to need it.” Hugh Macloid
It’s somewhat Rand-ish but nevertheless enticing. My recent anti social approach is its immediate fall out.

“With people of limited ability modesty is merely honesty. But with those who possess great talent it is hypocrisy.” Arthur Schopenhauer
That I am not hypocrite says I may have some talent left. But I agree with him how you can be modest when you know the person you are facing is a luul and all he expects from you is humility and not the grandeur that might scare him.

"Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.” Freidrich Nietzsche
Don’t they?

“It is my ambition to say in ten sentences what others say in a whole book.” Freidrich Nietzsche
And mine is to say none at all. Is it abnormal if one wants to keep quite?

“The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.” Freidrich Nietzsche
That I am lonely and frightened makes me feel that it’s the whole world I am fighting against. (right blink, left blink, both wink)

“If there is something to pardon in everything, there is also something to condemn.” Freidrich Nietzsche
But I personally feel there is more to condemn and less to pardon.

“The noble soul has reverence for itself.” Freidrich Nietzsche
Good panacea for complexed ones like me.

“Poetry is finer and more philosophical than history; for poetry expresses the universal, and history only the particular.” Aristotle
Don’t know much about poetry but my ever lurking hatred for history seems to have some backing.

“Nothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination” James R. Jarmusch.
Here is the exhortation of plagiarism but still it sounds honest.

“All great deeds and all great thoughts have a ridiculous beginning.” Albert Camus
That my present situation is ridiculous means there is a greatness in making so what if greatness of absurdity but still a greatness…..OK…hmm.

“Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.” Albert Camus
Believe me, no one does or the hard work I have done over the years to stay normal would have been recognized.

“Those who lack the courage will always find a philosophy to justify it.” Albert Camus
The fact that I am trying to camouflage my mediocrity and cowardice proves it.

" Creativity involves breaking out of established patterns in order to look at things in a different way. Edward de Bono"
Yes and I have started to take note of a great body from a 90* altered head.

“Words are loaded pistols.” Jean Paul Sartre
To be honest they are.

“Most executives, many scientists, and almost all business school graduates believe that if you analyze data, this will give you new ideas. Unfortunately, this belief is totally wrong. The mind can only see what it is prepared to see.”Edward de Bono
Exactly and that’s the reason I have stopped reviewing quarterly reports, business research journals and those excel loads in office. Instead, I prefer daily soaps and believe me I wonder at the abilities of these great creative writers to be able to delude so called thinking audiences.

“Most of the mistakes in thinking are inadequacies of perception rather than mistakes of logic.” Edward De Bono
This one makes up for my lack of logical quotient.

“Maybe if people think they have this terrific quality, then they'll forget about the calories and the fat.” Jack Trout
My increasing waistline proves that I have forgotten about fat and calories but where is that fucking, terrific and terrible quality?

“Adversity makes men, and prosperity makes monsters.” Victor Hugo
Believe me these well to do and prosperous seem like monsters.

“The learned man knows that he is ignorant.” Victor Hugo
Deductive reasoning says those who are ignorant still have a chance to be in the category of learned ones.

“Creative writers are always greater than the causes that they represent.” E. M Forester
Yet to arrive at any conclusion on it but somewhat pessimistic.

“What is wonderful about great literature is that it transforms the man who reads it towards the condition of the man who wrote.” E. M Forester
I would say it only deludes and so more fataltastic(fatal+fantastic) even more than those classroom sermons that say it’s a nice world.

“If man makes himself a worm he must not complain when he is trodden on. –Kant”
That I am still a complainant shows I am yet to be a proven worm though trodden.

“Some people aren't used to an environment where excellence is expected.” Steve Jobs
I would say most. Excellence is such a loathsome trait.

“I wasn't satisfied just to earn a good living. I was looking to make a statement.” Donald Trump
To be honest it’s ambitious, it’s glamorous and it’s enticing. It’s so adventurous when at the end all you want is just to make a statement.

“To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered.” Voltaire
I just missed in mannerism or you would have been reading these insights from a successful man not from some lamenting looser.

“Our lives improve only when we take chances - and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.” Walter Anderson
No, it doesn’t. It’s been almost two years now since I accepted that I am a good for nothing being. Forget improvement, my life has only worsened.

Hmm ... So I tried to be funny but I am still disturbed and impatient. Don’t know the exact cause whether it’s my job, my whims or my anger fits but still disturbed.....

Raj, Raj & Sarkar Raaj

2008-11-06T22:53:00.000-08:00

Did Rahul Raj believe in 'Rang De Basanti' world? Perhaps he assumed himself Steven Mallory of The Fountainhead and took it upon himself to erase Tooheys of this world. Yes, people in the intelligentsia would describe the incident as a rush of young blood. Those pillars of society would term it foolish and a cheap effort of grabbing attention, politicians would exploit it both ways, news channels would get more air time out of it and people like me would talk about him for 2-3 days and everything would be normal thereafter.

Was Rahul irrational in taking the weapon route?
Perhaps. But may be he knew what happened to Satyendra Dubey, IIT Graduate, who was murdered for trying to expose corruption and to S.Manjunath ,IIM Alumnus, who met the same fate for same kind of daring. Honesty irrespective of its form, in this country has only one fate: the fate of Mr. Dubey, of Mr. Manjunath and now of Mr. Rahul Raj. The difference lies only in execution. But why am I comparing a juvenile and immature young man to the two stalwarts who chose to fight the system with the only weapon they had-their honesty and belief in them to be able to change the system?

Yes, their background was different, their means to take on the establishment were apart but their aim was same- to change the rotten lot for a better world and not by some petty gimmick but with the highest form of gallantry-their courage.

Shaheed Bhagat Singh threw the bomb in the assembly and gave himself up to Firangs, perhaps, he was aware that he would not be shot then and there. And he was given a chance to flaunt his heroics by the so called inhuman rulers. But here in this Democratic-Secular-Secure-Diverse-Free-Tolerant and Modern country, Mr. Rahul Raj seemed to have over expected the generosity- that it would be understood he did not want to kill innocents but was trying to register his protest against a vice- a threat against whom no politician, police officer or any common man could come out in open, not until it suited them. But the police, the state home minister, the center government, the opposition, the politicians of Bihar all by their respective responses have told crisp and clear that heroics of any form will be ripped apart, will be traded in political brothel called Parliament, will be mocked by compensation and will be forgotten after it's no more useful.

Mr. Rahul Gandhi-the heir apparent, he would spend night in a Dalit's House, would register his doubts about an institution the dumb-head never deserved but he will never come behind an honest man. Stop flaunting, you fake and accept after all you are just another greedy politician.

Mr. Lal Krishan Advani- the PM in waiting, if you think by demolishing a Mosque, by killing Christians, by illogical saffronnization you will achieve the coveted chair- you are dead right. In all probability you are our next PM and I thank you a lot for keeping mum at a hero's hanging.

Mr Sharad Pawar-Union Agriculture Minister, could you please tell us the number of farmers died, out of hunger, in your home state? I guess you were too busy in your BCCI stint. I should have asked the money you made out of IPL or how many centuries did Sachin score in your tenure? It was heartening to see your silence at Mr. Patil's comments on Rahul Raj Encounter. This is the only way you will be sent again to Parliament.

Mr Lallu Prasad Yadav, could you please tell the number of jobs you deprived from Bihari people during your 15 years of rule? I am mesmerized by the way you are exploiting his murder.

Yes, it's well known that all politicians are same and I am being carried away in stating the obvious. Yes, I am emotional and I am emotional because those fits of anger come across in my mind too, say, after a 'Rang De' or a Rahul's or Dubey's or Manjunath's murder. But I know I am coward and insecure and I can't take them outside my drawing room. I know it's easy to show your disgust in the confines of your comforts and also how impossible it is to gather the sort of bravery as the young man did?

Be rational, show tolerance and stay balanced in life- this is how you are groomed to be an ideal citizen.

I am asking how you can show restrain among all the chaos around. When you know anytime your body can be blasted by attention savvy terrorist, when you know the train you take to reach to your work place might well be your last journey just because the person sitting next to you have been pepped up to take your life, when you know people like Raj Thakre do exist and they move freely and very soon they will be seen in parliament, when you know you can't be a part of this trash and also you know you are unable to come out of it. How?

I want to salute you Young Man but I can't as I don't deserve to. You bid adieu to this world and to all its commotion on your own terms, in your own chosen way and in trying to fight some of its evil. It does not matter that they will trade your dead body, it does not matter your manner and motive will never be understood, it does not matter people like you are always in rarity.

The important thing is people like you did exist.

For it was not an act of uproar,
It was helplessness at its core;
When you know nothing will yield a complain,
It is hard to show any restrain;
When you only chaos are in offing,
You will but hit the nail in that coffin;
When he knew it had reached that threshold,
He said it CIAO but did it only being bold.

Just when I am convinced that it's a nice world, the moment I am assured that mediocrity is a virtue, just the time I am assured that I can sustain myself among all the hype around, people like him come suddenly and show me the reality and its brutality and its absurdity.

Life is a bitch and yet again I am trying to be its dog.

Dreaded Duo

2008-10-03T01:50:00.000-07:00

I hate to be repetitious but Cricket so much flows in my veins that I have to write about it and have to write it at the start. This particular article is a preamble to things to come later this year or early next year. Mr. Wall and Mr. Specialist will be humiliated, mocked and torn apart in full public glare and with all the media coverage and very deservedly so. And Being one of the most loathsome opponents of the two I take it as a moral obligation to write their due obituary even before their demise.

My first objection to their existence is their self belief and ability to stand tall against the best in the business. In an age of fast cars, faster mode of communication and still faster way to execution (through bomb blast) how could these two bastards stay unfazed and concentrate on the job at hand? And they did it for more than a decade. In an age where boom-boom is the shortest and easiest way to glory, how could these two apply themselves ball by ball, session by session; sweating, taking blows on stomach, on face, on chest and still not gave up? In an era of Big Boss, MTV Roadies, Indian Idol all masterpieces on their own and reflecting true taste of society, the culprits in question gave us a boring Eden Gardens and a frustrating Adelaide. Couldn’t any body remind them the amount spent on broadcasting?

Their most heinous crime is to be the first among equals in a battle of courage but their reluctance to be a participant in a gang rape; a gang rape with full sanction of industry, media and general public and called T20. Here you are given the option of facing a bowler with his ass well oiled on a flat track and your virility is to be tested whether you hit him for a six or four and their will be appreciation even for holding out in the deep with the comments ‘at least, he tried.’ You have to be a base ball player in the guise of a Cricketer. That they tried to remain cricketer is the testimony of their impotence. When the bowlers themselves don’t complain and find a way to remain in news by slapping each other and getting high on dopes, these two needs to be punished for still being quiet. Isn’t it then, a poetic justice that the same bowlers err Khiladis find solace in Hasinas and the two in question get due humiliation bit by bit and from one and all?

T20 is perfect and is the need of hour, the TRP it got says it all. That it is backed by biggest business and entertainment persons is purely coincidental. It’s the public demand that forced them invest into it and in no way they drive the public sentiments. That same public liked Ashes 2005 and made it the most watched sports event ever is an aberration. That Test Cricket can be made popular in a society that knows exactly what it wants is a wishful thinking. T20 is here to stay.

So, I request all readers of this article to please assemble at the Stone-Pelting Ceremony marked for the demise of the duo and to be announced soon. It’s our moral duty to remove all traces of heroics prevalent around. And being one of the strongest believers in Societal Ethos and Public Demand I will be the first one to begin.

Me: The Sulking Slave

2008-09-29T23:32:00.000-07:00

Sitting alone in that Only Stags bar with every drag of smoke he is re-living the most important day in his life-the day he got his first job and the days that followed thereafter. The day was special as it would save him from the disgrace of becoming one of the few distinguished not to have a campus placement and furthermore, it meant no more sermons from fellow mates who had already secured blue chip assignments. It was a welcome relief especially for someone who was just jerked by his lady love and jerked badly.

Two years hence and four jobs later, today, with every shot of whisky, he is wondering if that is really the life he wished for. That there will be No Cricket- No Fashion Show, it was taken, but the world outside the campus would be so unexpected, so bitter, so apart; it was yet to seen, yet to be felt. It’s a world where your caliber is gauged by how quickly and blindly you follow the instructions not by your ability to solve a business problem. A world where designation determines not your pay package but the amount of respect you are supposed to expect. A world where your productivity is measured by how you dress up and get along with your colleagues and not by the skill set you possess-A world where your promotion depends not on your performance but on the efficiency with which you distribute your boss’ marriage invitation cards- A world where every single piece of individuality is choked against the name of systems and procedures, A world where if you keep quite and mind your own business, you are perceived to be inefficient and anti people- A world where those dreams of entrepreneurship were strangled even before they saw the day. This is his corporate world-A world he has chosen to excel.

He is still pondering until interrupted by Aakash his friend since childhood.

“Sorry, for being late man, in fact, boss came in when I was just about to leave and you know how it is, it takes some time especially if it’s a weekend. Hope you didn’t get bore. Oh I forgot, my friend doesn’t get bore these days. Do you?"

“No, Aakash I didn’t. Listen, I just wrote these few lines-
Every single day he wants to break free,
But then he remembers his shopping spree;
There is so mush peace in being himself,
Yet he can’t forgo Tommy in that luxury shelf;
There is so much to live for one’s integrity,
Hmm! who gives a damn to that nitty gritty;
Life offers so much to rise and so much to fall,
And he can’t do anything he is a bandua mazdoor after all.”

“Not agggain. Can’t you keep your philosophy out this Friday evening? You know a weekend comes after five long days.”

“In fact I shouldn’t have used bandua mazdorr, a bandua mazdoor is more fortunate in that he doesn’t have delusions about his fate, he has no hope for redemption. He has to live and die as a slave; there is no second thought about it. But here we are: Skilled Professionals-Ignorant, Unrealistically Bullish, Scandalously Happy and Unbecomingly Hopeful of our destiny-.”

“ Mr. Neo-intellectual if you think after fucking myself for ten hours in the office I still have energy left for your wicked whims, you are really testing my patience.”

“Why you get rude, dude? ”

“Why? Why shouldn’t I? Tell me, why shouldn’t I? You read those psycho craps, watch those strange movies and you think, you think you are some special sample of shit, you got a taste and you are hatke. ”

“We are our choices- The sum of books we read, movies we like, and people we admire, the Work we love to do.”

“Ghanta.”

“Will you ever listen to what I want to say?”

“No, never. You think by changing job every six month, showing contempt for companies, indulging in this crooked philosophy, and behaving strangely have made you some super man, I think its time to clarify- it has made you a joke- A Big Practical Joke.”

“And for the life of me, I do care for it. (Pun Intended)”

“Hmm! ‘I am with one of the most ‘Premier in Indian League’ didn’t you say not too long ago?”

“They are all same: Inhuman, Boring.”

“There is nothing like that. Everybody works there, not all complain. You have to come out of that shell and stop looking at things with that philosophical angel. Adjust a bit and slowly you would also be a part of it.”

“That’s what I am scared of, not of my inability to adjust but at the possibility of being a part.”

“Do you know there is a difference between a Rebel with a Cause and a Fashionable Rebel? Freedom, Individuality, Free Will, Self Esteem are all philosophical stuff. Reality is, we are middle class curse and we have to work all our life for others-willingly or out of compulsion.”

“I agree, partially, but don’t you think there should be level a playing field to showcase one’s talent? Shouldn’t an incumbent be given a chance to prove his mettle instead of throwing him in an ambience of sycophancy and opportunism?"

“And don’t you think you should have been born to an Ambani or A Gates -Bhosdi Ke? You know what! I wouldn’t have been fucking my mind if you weren’t the same person who made sponsorships pour in for that cricket event in that dilapidated place we once studied. You didn’t need a marketing degree to do that. If only you were not the same man who made maximum profit in that entrepreneurship contest, I would have kept mum. You were resourceful and understood people better and you made better use of whatever came your way. But since the time you started indulging yourself in those Fight Club movies, read that so called intellectual stuff that it was the start of your deterioration. If anything it did, it only added to your spilt personality syndrome- and has given you a delusion: A delusion of Grandeur- A delusion of Achievement- A delusion of Delusion:
Freedom (Loud)!
Individuality (Louder)!
Dignity ( Loudest)!
(Pause! He squeezes that yellow-white lady between his lips and after a few seconds)
Fuck you. ”

“People do change with time so does their perspective.”

“Mr. Self proclaimed Philosopher, you think all our friends who are much better off than you, they are all crooked, they don’t work hard, and they got no integrity, sab chutiya hai and you only are special. We live in a practical world…….”

“Don’t give me that practical shit.....
(He is loud for the first time and there is silence for a while.)
If to compromise one’s integrity in the name of responsibilities is practicality, I damn it. And as for as friends are concerned I don’t have anything to comment, it’s their life and they may lead it any way they wish.”

“And you think by terming your irresponsibility as ideals, personal motives will do?”

“There is no greater responsibility than one’s own life. A life that we get only once in our entire lifetime.” ………….

And the duo fight each other to have their say,
Every weekend and every week day,
And tick-tick does the time as the journey has its own way.

Welcome to his Blog, his World –“Chaotic-Crumbled-Confiscated- but Decided-Destined and due for Deliverance.”