Friday, July 31, 2009

Me-galomanic Many-festations

“Just when things look dark, they only go pitch black from there.” Paul Newman

So, it’s been a while this block is blasting the ‘wry’ter in me, left-right-upside-down. My first attempt at big-time, if anything, is awful so far. That perfect script , my masterpiece, the ‘hatke’ concept I want to burst open the scene with, is in doldrums, already. This baby, my blog, it never gets the due attention it deserves from me. Last few posts were posted as reluctantly as the one you are reading. They are making no sense but so is my life. The best and also the worst thing about words is that they expose you. However hard you try to conceal, but they do. And they are exposing me now-this moment. My darkness is being enlightened-clearly, shamelessly, nakedly.

Leave aside that big shot; the useless in me doesn’t even know what to write here, on this blog. Yes, this blog is like that crazy in love girl, that universal mother that accept their guy despite all the inconsistencies. But here, too, the silly in me want every single post to reflect a different, never seen before side of me, with out even knowing if there exists one or not. The baby continues patting the back, its still chanting the chin up mantra. Poor babe, doesn’t know there are so many ‘ifs-whys-buts-whats’ I am surrounded with, add to that some swearings-

“I will not write anything that has already been written elsewhere.”

“Enough is enough, I will not write what undies do I wear, which dhabas do I gulp in, which ads do I like, why people suck?”

“I am not a fucking journalist and neither a sucker social commentator and to hell with those current issues-Racism in Australia, Rakhi Ka Swayamvar, T-20, Mumbai Sea Link, Mumbai Rains, Terrorism, Feminism and all those isms. I don’t give a damn.”

“To, Love-Life-Relationships-Dating etc, My GHANTA. Every fucking looser on the blogsphere talks about them.”

“Forget writing, I’ll not even read how to stuff on blogging and what works and what not, and what should I write and how should I promote it? In fact I have done my bit and nothing works and I’ll write or not write as per my own whims”

“Cinema, I love and I can talk and type and talk endlessly but then every sucker talks about it. Enough of reviewing and farting, its time to create, finally. And this is a scary reminder.”


Not that I didn’t try to think of the hatke post headers. In the last one month there were a hoard of things that struck my mind but they couldn’t force the hands to type. Yes those were banal, too, but they were enticing nevertheless and those were-

“What about a post on Social Media? This is the hot thing, even if everybody is talking about it; it’s still worth all the attention. Twitter, Facebook, Flicker, Blogger, Wordpress, You Tube how will they change, shape and give a new direction to marketing, media, content generation and distribution, consumer behavior, etc. Yes, they already have but what next? “

But I am not an expert, who cares?

“When everything is going to be free how about a post on free-dom? Personal branding, will pay a crucial role in free economy-how about giving a brand mantra, after all I have studied brand management for one entire semester?”

But I am not an expert, who cares?

“Kids are doing great these days, how about this trio of under 20’s who already are micro celebrities on social websphere? Why not spread a word about real young guns? These guys are well ahead of times.”

But why? People are happy with ‘India’s Got Talent’.

“'How to’ is the best bet. Why not write an all encompassing ‘How To’ white paper-reflecting Spiritual, Yogic, Practical, Communicational, Behavioral, Metaphysical, Philosophical & Religious insights.”

Why? Why? Why should I when they already have Coelhos & Chopras? Besides the only thing people in this country know is preaching and preaching anything and everything.

“I have dealt with brands and more fashion brands for last three years. Shouldn’t I write about retail brands coming in and going out of country? India is witnessing a retail revolution why not share the experience. What’s the future of malls? Why Select Citywalk, Saket is one of the best retail property in the country and what went wrong with the adjacent DLF Place and MGF Metropolitan.?

Fuck that. I hated that job. Brands do suck when I can’t afford them.

“Sarcasm clicks. Try to be sarcastic and it’ll bring forth your creativity as well. People will laugh.”

Enough sarcasm! Fuck Sarcasm! No more sarcasm! To hell with sarcasm! As for laughing, am I joker? OK I am. But does that mean they should laugh at me? OK they should. But should I prompt them to laugh at me? OK I should but hell I won’t. OK I will but what’s the guarantee?

Despite all the attempt to force the issue things are still not coming together. So I stop here. Time for ‘Johnny Johnny Yes Pappa’ I mean “Pubic Enemies”. I love Johnny Depp.


P.S. If any sucker suggests anything about Content or “How To overcome writer ‘s block” he can already see my middle finger. But remember it’s only to show I don’t care and not to encourage the hope of a cure for your pile problem.

Me-galomanic Many-festationsSocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Facebook Sucks

Today’s has been an interesting if disgusting day thanks to Facebook and a neo geek pal of old times. I am pasting underneath a mail conversation about my techno-illiteracy and Geek’s prophecy.

“Hey Techie, tell me what to do with this Damru (that in process mouse icon) in Facebook. It’s been thirty hours now, I am able to login but can’t type anything. Any way out? Reply fast or that Join JIET campaign you are running for that jocular institute of ours, I will turn that into a Joke JIET series. What else am I supposed to do for an institute that gave me a computers degree knowing fully I know nothing about it. BTW, I use Seesmic client for both Twitter and Facebook but that too is more suitable for Twitter, FB is problematic there as well”

“Man, there is no problem with FB. All you need is a fast connection, at least, 512 Kb. That’s it.”

"But that’s the problem. Can’t I use it with my 128? Those suckers have made a good application, can’t they simplify it? "

“It’s billion dollars company with millions of users. Had there been a problem there would be chaos already?”

“But when I can open Twitter and Orkut and everything why not FB. Thanks nonetheless for sharing a profound secret.”

“Remove those additional applications in case you are lucky and that Damru showers mercy and stops dancing. And if still not done, sell that PC and if possible your empty brain, too. Though there would be hardly any taker but since there is a space crunch in that adopted city of yours, may be someone could find this empty brain of yours- a good storage alternative. College is not to be blamed. College is for fun, learning is an individual’s take or how else so many from the same shit would be doing so well.”

“Man I had thought you were a geek and I had solicited for a technical tweet. But now that you are philosophizing, just listen, FB sucks-FB sucks. Its vague in its positioning. Its useful and popular but not clear weather it wants to compete with Orkut or Twitter. At the moment it’s trying to do both. Also, it’s greedy, much focus on ad revenue and less on relevance. It’s feature-rich but too heavy otherwise. Those quizzes are fun for a while but soon enough they start weirding one out and you know it. Nobody shares their mind there but those fucking silly quiz outcomes. WTF! When at same time I can open-Orkut, Twitter Seesmic and etc and etc why can't I open Facebook? This is a fucking social networking site and not a live graphic research lab. Speed, you are talking? The state of network infrastructure in India, entire Silicon Valley knows for it outpourse all its collective junk here. So FB guys should also know it and adapt accordingly. http://omegle.com/ It’s been designed by a kid and this 18 years old boy knows what the world wants-Easy User Interface-Easy User Interface. You are right I may not be able to login as FB guys know the moment I am, the first thing I am going to delete are not those applications you suggested but the account itself.”

“Man, please don’t do it. You know what, all the user base and brand value of FB rests on your being a member there. If you do that FB will have to shut the shutters and I love FB. So, please don’t do it.......

Incidentally, FB is great, Orkut is crap Twitter is revolution.”

Morals:

  1. Facebook sucks.
  2. Facebook is Great, Orkut is Crap, Twitter is Revolution.
  3. It’s not the curiosity it’s the ignorance that kills the cat every day.
  4. Geek is from the JIET, I am from the JIET and we shall stay same, however much we try.
  5. Stop expecting and you will never be hurt and start from your own self.
P.S. I am still not able to log in. Waao! It saves my time.
Facebook SucksSocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Monday, July 6, 2009

Mind Fuck

>>>
I conclude that "Having two balls in your wOrld make you man. But allowing two more in your uni-wOrse wont' make you super-MAN, it only means you are legally sanctioned." :P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P: gggggrrrrrr

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Apparently-Appallingly and Abso-fucking-lutely, as of today I am a loud, proud and sound member of www.lagipadi.com. Its for all Jinki:-
a)Lag chuki hai.
b)Lag rahi hai
c)Lagne wali hai.
Though its 'sin'ister 'con'cerns are-FB,Orkut,Twitter but flagship is always flagship. Seats are on FCFS basis- just choose your option and click on the submit button. I, personally, fall in neither of the category but baaki sab achi tareh se 'lage-pade' hai err 'likhe-pade' hai.
Mission Statement of the company is "NAAM pe jao apni lagvao". Clearly, its totally opposite to all existing corporate philosophies that work on "KAAM pe jao apni lagvao" theme. Its not Roddick vs Federer its ''achet vs sach-et'

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I always keep wondering why am I loosing my jobs? But then I never forget never to give it a damn.....(and the #cube-rats are still jealous of me....waaoooooo)

>>>
Changing the world is a useless pursuit; And Changing myself, even more futile.When legality of gays ensued overwehlming smile;Just wondering how it'll boost tourism -yeah, all this while.

>>>
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder." -Alfred Hitchcock. But I heard' Kum(jyada)-bakk Itch-q" seriously tests the bladder's strength. So people, this time its not your time or money, its your bladder at stake. Rest is un to you.
R- "Unbelievably, he is the same guy who gave Hera Pheri"
Me-"Hera pheri" ek baar de di to matlab har bar le ga hamari. This 'King' has been enough 'Welcomed' its high 'Waqt' we throw him from Chandi Chowk to China. As such he loves cooking Chinese.Its time for him to go back to his roots or thrown back whatever. Matlab bahut ho gaya hai Bhool Bhulaaya. 'Garam Masale' ki hi aukaat hai uski."
G-"Matlab abb 'ji sa' lene de bechare ko.He can't even unzip anymore.God save thy Christ !".
Me-"What do you mean by Christ here just what exactly do you mean? Every Christ has a zip around it. What of those Christs who get kicked by wifes, girlfriends and even boy friends these days -First for taking them to theater late and then again for why taking them there at all?"
G-"ohh! And all those years I was wondering why did they hang him?"

>>>
I feel that if the prejudice against homesexuality was uncalled for so is the euphoria and umpteen media attention at the verdict. But then in a country so peaceful and prosperous and so devoid of poverty/child labor/unemployment/fundamentalism- homesexuality was the only pestering issue.waaooo. ----- GHANTA!
Me-"Actually its homOsexuality (typo) but then what's the difference?"
G-"The Big OOOO"
Me-"It should be small, I guess, at least initially"
G-"What is small or big for that matter? Its all RELATIVE. [:)"
Me-"Well Relativity's always been your forte. After all you slept with Einstein's pic always beside you and I am still confused how deeply you measured it :P). I guess Subjectivity/Objectivity/Lubricabity/Longevity/Strongevity all witty witty vities has a role of its own.But still you are very close, finally it boils down to RE-LAID-I-VITY"

>>>
Ravi, I Love You. Bhai tu bhabhi ko divorce dede, kidduu ko haam mil ke paal lenge. Aaj Gays sanctioned hue hai, kal ko Incest bhi ho gaayenge. Marry me, bhai kyonki mere dil ki baat to tu samjhta hai. You are not ma bhai you are my soul mate.

>>>
My followers are deserting me premising the ghettoed doesn't deserve them. I, too, think they are right. But point again is-shall I care at last? should I care at last?Or just again will I raise the finger and will show them the way to pavillion?(Last one is easier I guess, and I love easy things.)

>>>
#Followfucktards ?
Yes, since one year I am gaping void-as
a)Fuctards fuck the world.
b)Fucktards fuck the pun.
c)Fucktards are fun.
He already is, I wanna be one

>>>
Appa(rant)ingly, its raining and I am out of smoke WTF!! And there is an apparent warning both to my lungs and those followers of mine.

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Hey, was it your tit-ti trick? Why you making me look like a novice when I prefer being a rookie?
And from now on I stay hardened on courtesy @TitsUp Tuesday. TitsUp just tell shall you be pointed all week or you'll force me to block uou Wed'n'de onwards?
FucK, Tits Up! you are 'incite-insight-inside-inwhite-ful'!And since you are sexually abusing me by not following me because of my sex, you are INBLIGHTFUL as well.

>>>
"Art is selective recreation of reality accordin to an artist's metaphysical value judgment." Will someone please tell me What The Fuck does that mean?

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Someone rightly said 'TV is a great invention else instead of TV there would be people in bedroom.'

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I am following what the doctor could've ordered but is finally dictated by a 'mor(e)on' and once again Wwwwwaaeo

>>>
Apparently, the cure to hangover isn't to drink more, it's all abt folding your ass and never challenge the drink again and drink more if possible.

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Martha's decided she will do what she does best. O poor Martha! Thou has a blessed soul. May thou's life get its due.

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I, Ajay, now, at the count of three, want everybody TO STOP LAUGHING AT ME-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Stop it now.....you can continue if you have the balls..and I mean only two of them.....cos its not for super-men that I write......

Mind FuckSocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Fight Club

I hate ‘how to mob’. I loathe it when a man failed all his life writes a book called ‘You Can Win’. I hate Paulo Coelho and I detest Robin Shrama. I denounce everyone who imposes his personal depravity on others.

But do I really????

Then why the fuck do I get back to Roark every time I am down? Why I visit Hugh’s blog regularly? Why I watch Fight Club every time I need a kick to crawl forward. Why I find a close affinity with people like Anurag Kashyap? Why I believe every ounce of his existence is a stuff he should be proud of?

Probably, for the fact that I once read and I often re-read- "Show me your achievement, and the knowledge will give me courage for mine." Ayn Rand in Fountainhead.

Every man seeks a personal guidance, consciously or subconsciously, to lead his life. And that is the reason Coelho, Rand and Deepak Chopra are published and are among bestsellers. That is the fact fantasy of Batmans and Supermans is lived and cherished in print and on 70 mm. The source of the drive and thus the outcome from it may differ but the premise for the drive remains the same-personal upliftment.

And it was on one such drive that I watched Fight Club the sixth time last night. I was down and out and needed a kick to realize there exists a Taylor Durden inside me. I badly needed to convince myself beyond my immediate mediocre self there is an alter ego that is able to perform super things. It exists in everyone. But it’s killed every time, every second in our every day life-In our cubicles-in classrooms-on dining table-on playgrounds-in pubs and in cafĂ©. Every time we try to share our great grand fantasy our bosses, our teachers, our parents, our coaches, our friends, our girl friends-they all end up making our dream a butt of joke-

“It’s great …but…”

“Are you sure????”

“There is a lot of gamble. Why try when you have other options.”

“I don’t believe this!!”

“Be practical.”

“You will end up making a practical joke of yourself.”

WTF! WTF! We wanna scream at them but we can’t. These are the people who matter to us. These are the ones we care about. And it’s not as easy as Ms Rand said ‘just live for your own self.’

No wonder we seek fantasy flights just to have few hours of personal solace once in a while. And no wonder I saw Fight Club yet another time-

Fight Club Snap Shot-

The film is about what happens when an insomniac, looser, typical 9 to 5 guy meets a go-getter, fuck-all wanderer. They end up creating fight-clubs for all hopeless souls around. The duo shows them how getting beaten up is the greatest way to resurrect. And what if both men reside inside the same mind??? It’s a masterpiece. Who says voice over is quaint? It’s not. David Fincher yet again proves his credentials as a master story teller. A complex-est of story and with the use of voice over and technology and irregular narration Fincher ends up giving us a great cult classic. Brad Pitt has the best dialogues with his side but Edward Norton- mind-blowing.

And these days I don’t mind pasting dialogues so here are a few-

When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep, and you're never really awake.

The things you own end up owning you. It's only after you lose everything that you're free to do anything.

Fuck Martha Stewart. Martha's polishing the brass on the Titanic; it's all going down, man

I say never be complete. I say stop being perfect. I say let's evolve. Let the chips fall where they may

How much can you know about yourself if you've never been in a fight?

Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need

We're the middle children of history.... no purpose or place. We have no Great War, no Great Depression. Our great war is a spiritual war. Our great depression is our lives.

You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world

No fear. No distractions. The ability to let that which does not matter truly slide

I have decided to finally read the book itself. But I would be glad if you, too, brace yourself up at least for the visual bout in this fantastic Fight Club (if you haven't been in the ring already).

Fight ClubSocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Sunday, June 21, 2009

The World

"The world is a better place. It's worth fighting for."
Ernst Hemingway


"The world is a better place. It's worth fighting for." Agreed but only with the latter.
Detective Somerset in Se7en



"The world is a better place. It's worth fighting for." WTF! World- the fuckking fuck!.
I-Me-Myself


P.S. Mr. Hemingway, you really HEMM me.





The WorldSocialTwist Tell-a-Friend