The Human River

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Hope has all gone and no clue of pride.

Fuck you bitch you humped when I cried.

Dreams seems done and energy all dried.

And the mind mocks the heart for all it tried.

No where to run and nothing much to hide.

The night is dark but will pave for open sky.

TO HELL WITH YOU SHAM, TO HELL WITH YOU SLY

This is Human River it will never run dry.

MCQ

It's beautiful.

It's torturous.

It hurts.

It strengthens.

It questions.

It answers.

So what exactly am I talking about? And your options are:

a)Love

b)Whim

c)Delusion

d)All of the above

e)None of the above

f)I am Insane

Hurry up and send your SMS to 6969 and three lucky winners will get a chance to participate in the Insanity Workshop to be announced soon.

Show-Shall-I-zed

So finally I am show-shall-I-zed (Socialized) in Mayanagri. It was a media event followed as usual by cocktails and mock trails. I loved it. I am not good in building rapport but here I seem to have done decent if not great. ‘K’ that’s what I call him; he made sure my entry was without a fuss. K is my SPOC for anything and everything in this city. And he’s been amazing so far. Through out the party he kept telling me time and again “Don’t you worry dear, I will push you along. Just keep doing your stuff and you never know when your day comes.”

It was full of media-maniacs for it was a media quiz. After K had formally introduced me to a couple of chicks and an actor, I hit straight to the bar. Men, 45 days in the city and only 10 of them wet and that too with Old Monk, I was desperate. ‘Bacaradi with Sprite’ I asked. And after I had two mouthfuls I realized I was there for socializing after all. Talking about the people K introduced me to, one chick was real hot, the other one was decent, and the actor looked like a struggler. And if something dramatic doesn’t happen he’ll end up a struggler. I am assuming he’s as good an actor as I am a writer and so will meet the same fate until Divine Interventions.

That Bacardi boosted my belief. But I was still in my senses; confidence was there but not enough to approach the cynosure-the hot one so I caught the lesser hot of the two.

“What’s you name? I didn’t get?”

“Su-V.” (Mind you it su+vi and not SUV)

“Ajay. What do you do, Su-V?”

“I am an AD with a newly launched production house.”

“That’s great. Even I wanna assist some one. Though I think I am here as a writer.”

“Ohh you are writer! So what exactly are you writing?”

“That I can’t tell you as even I don’t know what it is. But will tell you when it’s done.”

This AD girl she was decent but not much glamorous. Agree, she is not there to sizzle the 70 mm but then she didn’t seem Mira Nair either. (Yup friends I am a dog and can’t help it.) Appreciation is not my forte nor is assessing people rightly but I wish her luck though.

And that bombshell was finally around too. Suddenly I got kicked to ask her

“What’s your name I didn’t get it?” (It’s cliché but worked here as well)

“I am Anna. So what are you writing?” (She has a good memory)

Ahh! I smiled. “I’ll tell you when it’s done. What about you?”

“I do anything and everything. I am a VJ with Me-too-Tv (Mtv). I have done theatre, was an RJ and looking for my big break, I am also doing a travel show.”

I smiled as I couldn’t continue further. In fact this all is my limit. Though she was cordial and smiling rest of the evening but this after all was my limit.

This gal was quite unusual for a hot one. She ate much more than her petite figure indicated. She was normal no-air girl. However, her dress created quite a storm. Despite my above average fashion quotient I still don’t know what that outfit is called. Ok let’s call it a two and half feet gown-sexy but not cheap-neither in price nor in appearance.

Both the girls were decent, down to earth. May they get to their dreams and may they read this post after they are successful.

Suddenly Mr. AB- the big daddy of advertising and media and the man behind this ‘do’ arrives. Men, did I have a blast meeting him? He’s very cordial, good man manager and energetic and one hell of a garrulous man. I introduced myself as his friend’s protégé and informed I am in his LinkedIn network as well. He seemed appreciative especially of the latter one. Ok in short why did I like him?

a) He is big-time movie buff. Yes, most people claim so but he really is. And these days all I want is people who I can talk, walk and stalk cinema with.

b) He was spending his time with young ambitious people instead of fornicating within his own fraternity. Hallmark of a man with a difference.

c) He loves to write his own rules and he writes them when he is flying. Interesting.

In fact he was the brain behind the quiz. The media encyclopedia he is, he hand-picked and created the quiz all by himself. And you know what the funniest answer was to a normal question:

Q: Who is ‘Bunty and Bubli’ of Indian Media?

A: Its Peter and Indarni Mukherjee (9x) for running away with promoters money.

He spent about a good one hour with us and 20 minutes he spent talking about ‘Charlie Wilson War.’ Great flick, must watch, it’s sensational. It's the story of how Taliban was created. Ten minutes he spent talking about Eastwood and when he couldn’t recollect the name of his latest movie he was desperate. ‘It’s the name of vintage FIAT car, come on men, don’t you know?’ Gran Torino it was but none could recollect it then. The disappointment the man had when he couldn’t get the name, killed almost all his enthusiasm. But even with his dying exuberance he was able to annoy most of us with his tongue skill. He kept talking and talking but I, for one, really loved it as he was talking cinema. He talked about how he wishes to bring Spielberg in India. To this I asked why not Tarantino, Coen Brothers? This was the only instance when he showed generation gap with the usual retort “Too much blood, too much violence.”

But all through he kept asking that actor “But man tell me how do you deliver the dialogue?” And you know what the actor even replied once ‘I don’t do it with out script.” Before he realized he was being taken for a ride it was too late for the artist.

Thanks K for this free ki Bacardi, good sumptuous food and more importantly for providing me with the chance to meet some very interesting and enterprising people.

People I am sending the link to AB and what you say, would he think?

a) Desperate, imbecile, retard-complete waste of my 5 minutes.(he reads fast, make it 2)

b) You over estimated your writing skill by comparing yourself with the actor.

c) Why should I care, I attend such parties every weekend?

d) Even though you are OK but it’s recession dear.

Erection Manifesto-II

Ok I am still not done with this political thing. So emerges our new hope, new leader Rahul Gandhi G. I quite understand the hype and media attention being showered on this man for last three days. Our media, after all, is a congregation of well-spoken jerks whose only qualification is heisting and heralding and hoisting-the hype. Let us analyze Mr. Gandhi one by one-

Going alone in Up & Bihar- Saddi Barkha(NDTV) and also Aurnab(Times Now) the other day concluded not exactly in same words but in more or less similar sentences and they were “ Rahul has emerged not only as a face but also as the mind behind Congress. His decision to go alone in UP & Bihar was nothing less than a political masterstroke.” Now, what rubbish is that? Some one sticks it up your ass and leaves you on your own and some how you are able to pull it out miraculously. But does that mean you are some magician? Lallu leaves you 3 seats out of 42 and Mulayam doesn’t give you a chance even to negotiate. In that case do you need to be a nuclear scientist to realize that you have but to go alone? In Bihar they got only 3. Talking about UP, the credit goes to the other Gandhi more than Rahul G. His hate speech, SP’s concerted attempt to sideline computers and Azam Khan, and Mayawati’s flip-flop on Varun made Rahul G the only viable alternative. Did some one say Luck by Chance?

Rahul G’s Victorious Speech -“I am proud of poor people of this country, I am proud of youth of this country for this unprecedented verdict. I don’t think of short term, I am here for long term.”

I am proud of the poor people of this country- Why shouldn’t you be, dear? After all this poverty is the only thing you father, grand mother and grand forefathers have given to this nation. And you know as long as there are poor; there is every chance for you to exploit them. The funny thing about poor people is that you call them poor, you show them sympathy, spend night in their homes and they will be proud of their poverty, they will do anything for you. They did it in the past, have done it now and they will do it in the future. “Congress ka haath, gariib ke saath.” has some literal meaning. Ain’t it?

Youth and Rahul G-BJP, Left and the rest of the power-hungry ignorants didn’t realize there were over 10 million first timers. In marketing terms this segment was totally unaddressed. So here I give Rahul G full marks to exhort the change makers-the youth. There was a good campaign on youth by the congress party and it seems to have paid well.

I don’t think of short term, I am here for long term-Now this is a very shrewd statement. It could be easily used as a winner’s humble response. But in future he might use it for his inefficiency, inability and poor track record as well. But talking about long term rest assured, Gandhi family will rule this country as long as this country lasts. So you don’t need to tell you are here for long term.

Sweet Dictator or Proxy Dictator is our Gandhi Family-Every time a head rises against the family it gets beheaded faster than its rise. Ever since I started following politics, it happened with N.D. Tiwari, Rajesh Pilot, Sharad Pawar and lately Arjun Singh. Rao G lasted a full term but where and how he and his successors disappeared as soon as Madamji took charge nobody knows. Not that they were qualified and deserving but even if they were, they would’ve met the same fate. No, we won’t talk Manmohan Singh G. I don’t go by the premise that he is an over estimated economist or an underestimated politician. He’s simply reduced to nothing. He is simply nothing these days. Surprisingly there is never any hate speech or comment against anyof the rebels from 10 Janpath. This is what I call proxy dictatorship or Sweet Killing. The congress party is a racket and one enters it to serve not nation but Gandhi family.

Why hope is a dangerous thing?-Before you conclude that I am being paid by BJP or some other party, I clarify no. I am not. If any optimist BJP followers think that this defeat will give BJP a food for thought. That it would be able to reposition and realign itself to reality and sanity, I bet you he is deluding himself. BJP’s next-gen is hopeless and to quote Vir Sanghavi, ‘they are young jerks.’ Even if some one tries to outshine, RSS is there to keep a tab and they are, by no means, sweet dictators. On a personal level I find Rahul Gandhi an honest and sincere workhorse tho. But my problem with Rahul G’s evolution is his empty brain and irrelevant focus. He doesn’t understand technology, he has no-idea of foreign policy and in this back drop expecting him to be well versed with economy would be a big ask. Now this dumb fellow is going to be the media baby for the next five years. He will keep ranting ‘pro-poor’ and ‘yes- youth’ slogans. And yes he will keep making the usual media blunders he’s habitual of and clueless about. But who cares when nobody cares.

So you think he is the one,

Doesn’t that sound like a pun?

You hope that things will turn

But Tis the only way you will learn.

Hope my dear is a dangerous thing,

It never lets you come out of the ring,

Slowly and slowly it erodes the zing.

Hope will not end until you rue this fling.

We, as a nation, in fact need an idea- a social change concept. “A patriot must always be ready to defend its country against its government-Anurag Kashyap in Gulaal.” Now I don’t know what I want to say. May be you can read this. (if there is any energy left)

P.S. If you think you are jaded believe me not more than me. Politics is a bad thing even to write about. Never did I feel so exhausted with my writing. But I had to write it.

Erection Manifesto

Before you get a misdirected hard on, I clarify that one of the meaning of the word erection is also building up or putting up. This particular post is about political erection-or political built-up.

So the news is out. And Singh is King yet again. Really?? Let see. But one thing is for sure Advani G is history. He will always be remembered as the “The Majboot Prime Minister India never had.” But he can always look up to Warne “The best captain Australia never had.”

Quick Recap-People have re-elected the government. Means development is happening, governments are more responsible. A close look, BJP too did well in the states it had its own government. Again confirms development is happening, governments are more responsible. A still more close look- Are those in power have learnt to manage media and election campaign better? Have they learnt to play the development prank? If we look at Rajasthan, Harayana, AP, Bihar, TN, Gujrat, Karnatka, Delhi, Maharashtra, Orissa-it seems so. Anti incumbency is quaint, Pro-development is the buzzword. But Left (WB, Kerala) and their Sister Maywati(UP-under power-ed) failed here as well and to say they lost badly would be an understatement esp for Left.

Dynasty and G- Just a short while ago I was catching up live updates on NDTV where Scindia Baba from Gwalior was in the victorious mode. Barkha asked him to reflect on the verdict and usual suspects Pranoy, Vir and some other luminaries were also there.

Jyotiraditya- “I think this is a mandate to Rahul G’s vision and focus on development. Rahul G’s focus on youth and Rahul G’s concern for poor has been well and truly appreciated. Rahul G is the future of this country.”

Barkha- So you mean to say that the time has come for Rahul Gandhi to be PM?

Suddenly Vir reminds her to suffix Rahul Gandhi with G and every one in the studio had a laugh but there were wrinkles on my stomach after the laughter I had seeing all this. What a sight to watch when a more efficient, dedicated once Aristocrat calls his colleague of same age G six times in three sentences. Is this the way you wanna show respect? Is this the modern democracy? Sibbals, Dikshits and Sanghavis they are suckers. But I didn’t expect it from Scindia baba. But then ‘To each his own.’

Even Rahul G spoke about dynasty a fortnight ago.

“ Yes, I am a product of this system. But it’s not that the things can’t be changed. Now that you have made me GS(with out any qualification and experience) I will ensure democracy within and outside the organization.”

And this makes me think after all-

This, my darling, is the democracy beer,

Things are never sane, they are never clear;

So you think will come some one, who would steer,

Hang on as G is the only world you would hear.

So why feel sad when finally its time to cheer,

Just raise the toast its democracy beer- its democracy beer.

Talking about my own expectations, my own constituency has sent another heir to the parliament. It’s not long away when this junior will be the Hooda G of my state. In the last term when he made his political debut he chose ‘Land Cruisers only’ in his convoy. I won’t mind if he goes for Porsche this time. He’s AMMRIKKA returned after all. Last time he got sanctioned that 6-lane highway straight to the capital. This was the only significant thing he did in his entire tenure. But I don’t mind as land prices were up around 1cr/ acre just by the news of the sanction. This time I expect him to get that road laid actually as this will ensure the price to go around 1.5 cr. And this means I won’t have to work for the rest of my life with that 1 acre of land I have. Hooda G, I’ll pray for your CM-ship if you do it. And if you could some how bring that pending Metro-line which is just 7 km away my city I’ll pray for your PM-ship as well.

Please Hooda G, please do it.

I don’t want to work. Please do it.

No body gives me work. Please do it.

Give me that road and that metro. Please do it.

Do that and ask my vote, ask my support.

I will be happy and I’ll be pleased to do it,.

(This is a random post; senseless would be the right word. But this is what happens when there is a hung verdict of thoughts in your mind.)

P.S. 18/05: You could refer this if you wanna have a more structured description.