Once Upon A Time in Recession

Assed out again he has finally decided to pursue his dream. No more chasing, no more licking. Times are not good in general but for him it’s all the same. It has been same for last three years. But those close to him are making sure it gets worse. Here’s a glimpse of some of the colorful conversation he had with them-

J, the one he has a special bond with calls.
All well?

He
All is well when you are in hell.
Believe me there is this deep urge to yell.
And there is nothing else to tell.
I wish I had a body that I could sell.


J
See the only thing I find in you is passion and a will to go through the grind. Shit happens but carry along.

He
Yeah. You are right-shit happens. Not too sure about others but it happens to me all the time. Don’t mind I will carry along. As if there are options if I don’t.

J
See, I told you struggle is just a word to others but the one who goes through it, he knows how ugly an adjective is it.

He
J, you know what, this is the only good thing that ever came out of your mouth, which has been stinking with those babes’ lipstick you keep licking. Seeing you first time, I had never expected you will talk like this. It was a pleasant surprise. But you are so repetitive about it that it’s no more a placebo. So will you please keep quite and tell me if there is anything you are designing lately?

J
He has understood the frustration and situation. ‘Man, boss calling up, talk to you later. Take good care of you.’ Cuts the phone.

His bro, Mr. SS(supremely supportive), wants to make sure he is all good. After all, he’s been the only regular link with the family. After the Mangal Pandey act rest of them have distanced themselves and how happy and content all of them are. But SS has seen the world, at least physically, though not as closely as him. And it shows in the way he is pampering (read pestering) this ambitious ass.

SS
So how is it coming, kiddy?

He
Great Bro. Never realized my life can be this beautiful. Babes are coming fast and going faster when I am at Panwalla to fetch my cigarette. Bills are coming so regularly. Sleep is also coming but only after sulking the whole night. But it’s coming though. It’s great coming so far.

SS
You know what, people talk big of dreams, of taking their life in their own hands but you are actually doing it. Success and failure are not in our hands but efforts are. I am happy you are giving it all.

He-to himself
(How cruel world this world is. Now this man has traveled all across and he has seen people sulking in various ways, now he wants to see it closely. And he has become so ruthless he doesn’t even spare his own blood)

That’s right, I guess, bro. Let see how it goes after coming so heavily.

SS
Hey do tell me anytime you are in trouble and I mean financial.

He
(Now he is ready to sponsor my suffering also. This is height.)
Yeah. Sure.


Ms Singh she is his former colleague (HR) and one of the few followers to read his erratic whims. She understands the situation much better and accordingly suggests solutions.

Singh
Man, long time no post on the blog, no calls. What’s the matter?

He
The fact my dear, is that I no longer have a corporate connection-thanks to you and your entire HR Team, I no longer have a job either. Anyways its great to know that you guys spend 2 cr. a day to sponsor that shitty league and save peanuts cutting balls of a trivia as insignificant as me.

Singh
Come off it. At least YOU don’t talk like a loser. Its 4th time I am calling, what were you doing?

He
I was just sleeping.

Singh
4 PM and you were sleeping. Were you in the dance bar or what in the night?

He
I was just selling cigarettes at the Chowk. You know I am making 2 rupees per cigarette in night and believe me it’s the only business where there is 50 percent margin even in recession. Night Life is great here and I am able to earn enough to feed myself.

Singh
I feel for you. I wish you were not born in India. I wish there were strip bars in India. In times like these people like you could sustain with out compromising their sleep. This is a tabooed society. Why can’t they allow male stripping?

He
Thanks dear. At least you are the one who understand my situation.

Singh
No need to tell. Friends are for these times only.

He
Hey tell me one thing, one day when I am successful, when every one around recognizes me, when I am famous, will you handle my PR? They are not wrong when they say you are better off in PR than HR.

Singh
That I know but to be a PR to a stripper, that would be awkward.

He
Get lost.

His mentor and patron has this special bond with him. There is significant amount of pep talk, books and contacts that the mentor has invested in him. So one day the patron calls up the protégé to make sure everything is all right.

Patron
What’s up dude? Done with that stuff you told about?

He
No yet, sir. IPL just screwed it up. I hope to finish it in next couple of weeks.

Patron
So you are dreading deadlines even before you are anything. Good. Did you meet Mittal?

He
Yes, I did. He told me he has no say in creative and worse still he informed Creative Director is not gay either. In short no chance what so fucking ever.

Patron
What about Nishit?

He
I had a long discussion with him too. He is an enlightened man. He spent about an hour with me explaining how this is not a good time to begin with. He is an encyclopedia on recession. It was great meeting him, though I wanted to hit him on the balls the moment he mentioned recession. But I wanted to test my limit of patience, I am glad I could endure him.

There is a quartet in his life as well. The foursome, with whom he drank, drove and doped and danced. They are all missing him at the Fountain, at the Farm and in the Market. But they don’t know SH, O, C& K(SHOCK) all of them together, are giving him the shock of his life. They don’t do much they just ask ‘How is it going, yaar?’


SH
Hey man, went to any beach or not?

He
Last week. It was not a good experience.

SH
What happened?

He
Nothing much. It’s just that I went there in the night. A couple was making out on those falling waves. I got charged and started jerking off.

SH
Shit! on beach? Did anyone see you?

He
Yup on beach. There was a gay just a few feet away. I couldn’t notice it was dark. Suddenly I realized there were two hands on my thighs.

SH
Then?

He
Then what. I told myself to be brave, pushed him aside and ran as hard as I could never.

SH
Ohh!

He
This city is not for loner, yaar. I miss you guys.

O
Wrote something lately?

He
Yeah. Good that you called. It was just the other night I wrote ‘Chutiya’ on my ass with a marker.

O
Interesting. But why?

He
Its for all those men sitting on couch. If anyone tries to cast it in my ass he will see that writing on the ass.

O
Innovative thinking, I must say.

He
I just want people to forget that phrase ‘Writing on the wall’ instead remember it as ‘Writing on the ass.’

C
How is the weather there?

He
C, my jaan. Weather is good, pitch (my ass) is nice and flat. It has bounce in it early on but good for banging I mean batting as the sun shines out. But the problem is recession. None of them is willing to take the early risk.

K
Any good news?

He
K thank god you called. Good news? Yeah there are many. KJO was cordial, ADI is supportive. Screwala doesn’t screw around. He understands the cinema.

K
Don’t tell me.

He
Don’t YOU tell me fucker. Industry mere baap ki hai na. They were just waiting for me only to arrive. There are people struggling since ages. And the way things are they will continue for next few lives. Good news my fuck.

K
Its ok. Take it easy.

He
I was just yelling. You too take it easy.