Wednesday, August 12, 2009

International Youth Day

Dearest All,

So today is International Youth Day (Antar-Rashtriya Yuva Diwas). I wouldn’t have known but for Mumbai Times, the one that I had picked to learn more stuff about Pamela Anderson’s sexual drive which it was covering for two days on a row. But my perverse mentality was disappointed to learn that it’s IYD today. Our guest editor Shahid Kap-hurr err Kapoor and slutry err sultry Priyanka Chopra were all over it. (What’s wrong with me? Why so much stammering, come on its youth day after all? Ohh its Kaminey hangover).

So Shahid and PC, through their charismatic charm and deep insights, exhorted the youth today. And I am charged thanks a large extent to Piggy Chops’ blue sexy dress. But when one is charged he wants to do something and in my case I want to write on Youth Icons and I want to write for youth and I am doing it since I am a youth.

But when we, a nation of 1.2 billion, are satisfied, happy and shining through 21st century, riding on the wave of ten film stars and eleven odd cricketers, do I really need to fill this space with more junk, and dump it just because I have nothing else to do? Well, I need not but since I am an expert in doing things written ‘need not’ on them, I am doing it anyway.

Let’s start with Cricket & it’s God Sachin, India’s favorite son God’s best gift to the nation after Mahatma Gandhi. A symbol of consistency, humility and generosity and achievement-the highest run getter in tests and one day internationals, the team man par excellence, one of the best Human brand globally, marketer’s favorite and Janta’s God-Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar. I won’t argue his records as I agree with the statement ‘Statistics are like mini-skirts, they reveal more than they hide’. His record speaks for himself; he doesn’t need to prove himself to none, not anymore.

People, he is not God, not to me. I will make comparison and the name will offend you and yes the name is Ricky Ponting. I will not explain, I will just ask a few questions as to who of the two is better? You already have the answer but I am still asking thanks to my ‘need not’ obsession.

Who is better? Question 1)

“A little boy who played among grown up lunatics, rose to the occasions almost every time and mostly in lost causes, garnered fame and legendary status but still maintained humility, team-manship and consistency and social consciousness.”


The kid who played among real men, spoilt initially, lost his place, regained it, arrogant so what if consistent and not hyped and mostly talked about for the behavior and not the talent he has and what if the kid has almost caught up the record-boy even after entering the scene seven years hence the boy.

Who is better? Question 2)

The boy who whenever he was given a chance to lead could never deliver just because he is human after all. But the one who continued being a run machine while playing majority of his game on dead sub-continent pitches.


The kid who went on to become real man and took the challenge to defend the reigning dominance, lead from the front with no hint of apology for being arrogant or for his commitment to excellence and played a large part of his cricket on slightly tougher and bouncy pitches.

Who is better? Question 3)

The boy who loves Ferrari as much as supporting the social causes and sponsors 200 odd children’s education and also issues of social importance every once in a while.


The brat who may do it few and far in between but never forgets to show through his persona, through his game, the art to be real man and the one who never gives a damn if arrogance is the only thing people take note of and not what goes behind to stand tall all the time.

Yes, we can argue endlessly but I have put my points across and I know most of you are already abusing me but save a few of them as you will need them as you go further down.

Cinema: Its time for the cinematic God Mr Amitabh Bachchan. I’ll damned if I say he is not a phenomenon-as an artist, as an institution of stardom and most importantly as a learned and humble man. But if he is in public life and if he’s an icon and God to Aam Janta(mango common people) I have some questions for him as well. In fact just one question:

Why are you supporting Amar Singh and directly and indirectly Samajwadi Party, the party whose agenda is to divide the communities in the name of pro-minority to remain in Power?

Yes, this is your personal life and again you are not answerable to none. But you are. When your association with a certain man stands for something evil you need to watch out. But the man supported you when none else did. Mr Bachchan, we as a nation, have given you everything we could to recognize your contribution towards art and cinema. And if you think we ignored you in your time of need, we apologize. We have made you a brand that helps you earn big time and you can use it to repay your financial burden thrust upon by the man. However, if Amar Singh is so much to you, if he is that integral a part of your family, then I take my words back to have thought as a member of this whole national family who considers you one of its favorite and responsible- son, brother and father as applicable. We after all are democratic and you have every right to choose your family & friends. You have every right to say I hate politics and still chant “UP mein hai dum kyunki jurm yahan hai kum” and once again I apologize for using this democratic tool to tarnish you and tarnish so that this controversial shit could give some additional hits to this blog which otherwise is dead.

Young Guns-Three Khans, Hrithik, etc, guys, I could use your name as well but there are still many more to be covered in other fields.

Politics: Politics is the easiest for all of us hate it. Hell! So few of them to be mocked at! My likes/dislikes for everything Mr. Rahul Gandhi stands for is in my earlier post here. Who else should I slander now? Let’s take Arun Jaitely and Shashi Tharoor-the possible future national role models.

Mr Arun Jaitley: You are statesmanship personified. If ever I have seen a speaker who’s balanced, intelligent and aware and the one who never minces with the words, he’s you. We all know you are a strategist of highest order as well. You are in politics since university days and to try to suggest something to a man as experienced and intelligent as you would be foolishness. But will you ever come out of your drawing room? Will it ever occur to you that if you have to take that coveted PM chair, you will have to show some ground work apart from the usual behind the scene stuff that keeps you busy. As per me, you are the only secular and democratic face in BJP and this is your best time not only to change the ideology and image of a communal party but also to show to the youth that there is some hope. Yes, there will be opposition within the party and in Sangh Parivar but this is your only chance to indulge in real Public Service, if at all, you want it.

Mr. Jaitely, I apologize, I had forgotten you love cricket and you prefer Lord’s balcony to watch T20 over watching real India whose major chunk of population plays its one day international every day and not for some trophy or man of the match award and not even for butter but only for bread and not on grass laced outfields but on barren, drought ridden hinterland. My apologies.

Mr Shashi Tharoor: A would have been UN Secretary General turned patriotic (deshbakt), a best selling author of many books, historian, a foreign policy expert especially in Indo-Pak relations, educated at the best international institutes, a seemingly honest politician, techno savvy (only politician active on Twitter) and our new External Affairs Minister for State is Mr Shashi Tharoor. But the skeptic I am, I never stop castigating and I am asking-

a) If he is that much a public servant why did it took him so long to think of his own nation? Is that because his international dreams were shattered?

b) If he is that good an author why does he need Sachin Tendulkar, Mukesh Ambani with his whole family to launch his latest book at The Taj Mahal Hotel?

Hell me. He is an External Affairs Minister and by holding the event at a just terror affected place and the one meant only for the elitists, he wanted to show the world, I mean the elite tourists that Taj Mahal is safe, that India is safe, as the most important people are here for a noble cause-to launch his book co-authored with a pak diplomat, on Indo-Pak relations through cricket. The same Pakistan that made this place a curse just a few month back. Was that mockery or what?

c) He’s an author, an entrepreneur and a central government minister. How will he handle all this?

Idle me. If I can’t work doesn’t mean none else can.

d) Is he just another sycophant in the guise of International Baggage?

Doubter me. If he attends a boat race in Kerala just because Nehru G used to do it and just because Madam Sonia is attending this time, and if he doesn’t forget to pay tribute to Gandhi family at every small opportunity, doesn’t mean he is one. It’s called respect and just because a loser like me can’t respect anyone doesn’t mean respect is quaint.

Mr. Throor, I beg your pardon for this mud-slinging with out knowing much about you and with out reading any of your book. But I tried reading your articles in TOI just before the general elections were due, I could not understand them. Excellence is unbearable especially to those from ghettoes, so just take it in your stride.


Dear Brakha Dutt, if you have just once in your life, covered a war from a few feet away, does that mean you will annoy us all the time? You are a poster girl in Media but when will you stop pestering us with your pseudo intellectualism? I have stopped seeing you err watching you but my last memory was when you along with your fraternity buddies Arnab, and Rajdeep were making a larger than life picture of Rahul Gandhi G on the verdict day on respective channels. I won’t trust you and your Mentor Pranab Roy until his personal relations with top brass of Leftists are cleared.

Dear Rajdeep, you are personally sponsoring the education of two needy kids but nothing will justify the pulp you call news stories IBN churns out, day in day out. So no respect, sorry.

Arnab, I admire you to some extent and despite your Rahul Gandhi bias but not your association with the group BCCL. See, I wanted them to continue Pamela Anderson story but they covered youth day in today’s Mumbai Times. So, anybody associated with the group will be shunned.

Dear Prabhu Chawla, If you think you are funny, you are but only when you try to be funny.


Dear Sabeer Bhatia,

Where the hell are you, man? Come out of the oblivion because this youth, me and my fellow young bloods, they are worshiping man like Narayanmurthys and Nilekanis. Yes, those symbols of simplicity, ethics and honesty, and those who have forced millions to take pride in the tag called ‘Service Providers.’ Yes, Infosys-the epitome and symbol of India’s tech prowess, they follow all the norms, billionaire founders live like common man, they share profit, follow all the business ethics bla-bla but what have they done? They have made every youngster dream to work for them or companies like them, provide some third rank software services to fifth rank idiots living seven poles apart. Come out in the open, tell the youth “I created Hotmail, it changed the face of communication. I am the first face of India’s real software power and these morons you take pride in working for, they are reaping from the mine I dug the first time. And they are doing it very badly despite all the money they shower on you.” Tell us, the young India “You guys are not software prostitutes. You are me. If I have done it so can you. But we have yet to create a true global, software giant.” Tell us “We have still not made an application of the scale of SAP, Oracle, Windows, Google, Twitter, Facebook, Apple etc. But I have done my bit, now is your time and if I can so can you.”

Sabeer, Sabeer, Sabeer, I got emotional, pardon me. I know you fell for Ash and your Arzoo was not fulfilled the way you wanted it to, I beg your pardon.


Rashmi Bansal: She is a youth icon and a self-proclaimed insight-er and insider on Indian youth. She has written a book can’t remember the name but it was big success, I heard. She is well connected with institutes like IIMs and exhorts the youth in her own big way. Her blog introduction says “I'm the Editor and Publisher of a popular youth magazine called JAM - Just Another Magazine. In print and online ( If you're a committed and creative writer do join Club JAM - and show your stuff!”

You read the last line? If you are a committed and creative writer show it on her portal and never start your own blog, worship her for she is fighting for young guns since years but never dare going on your own. Her latest initiative as per her latest blog-post is to celebrate Joy of Giving Week’ commencing from Sept 27th to Oct 3rd. This is a proposed national movement just to celebrate the joy in sheer giving and as per her ‘It will be ‘the thing’ every generous and concerned man will look out for every year.

But giving by whom and giving what?

Giving by young urban, well to do, working 9 to 5 officer goers, choked with apathy and giving useless shit they don’t need no more and in exchange get the delusion of satisfaction to actually have done something for someone and to have made a difference in some needy’s life. WTF!! She is the same icon who’s praising in second recent post in crisp and clear words ‘Rakhi ka Swayamvar’(RKS). Yes, she doesn’t feel the need to start a movement about a mockery of entertainment which has become a poor, clich├ęd, banal, cheap international joke. Instead, in all sincerity she is appreciating NDTV for cracking a never seen before format. The same icon who thinks RKS is the best thing to have happened in TV entertainment recently is talking of the joy of giving. Is there an ironyor I am the one who's ironic?

But Rashmi G since you didn’t respond to my cheap comment on your blog, it’s my pay payback time. But remember no bad blood.

But I prefer this chick, she teaches the art of blow job on her blog and by writing pulp she is a well known blogger & a moderately successful author today. But at least she doesn’t pretend and who knows in times to come like our own ‘Shobbe erotica turned angel De’ she may become a force to reckon with in discussing issues of national importance. Who knows?

And lastly my personal favorite, Mr Anurag Kashyap, the man I have dedicated my two blog posts this and this.

He wrote in his movie Gulal

“Youth, youth change karta hai Samaj ko.”

(It’s the youth that changes the system.)

And this youth was completely taken up by it. But having met him twice for a total of three minutes, he’s left me asking the question he raised in Gulal just after the above statement

“Parr aisa kya change karna chahta hai wooh?”

(What is that, after all, he wants to change?)

I hope he’s just, just half as real as he proclaims thumping his chest but neither does it matter if he’s not.

Incidentally, I just turned poet today, I mean ‘kavi’ in Hindi and this one goes out to all the youth-

Haan aaj youth divas hai

Jaagi kuch karne ki havas hai.

Umeed hai-tadap hai-Garaz hai-Baras hai;

Hai to hai aakhir youth divas hai

Bhrastachaar has, naar-sanghar hai, bhauklaya harr manass hai

Shankaaye hain, thaharayye hai, phir bhi nashaye charas hai

Aakhir Jitni hai duniya kyunki aaj khauli nas-nas hai

Hai to hai aakhir youth divas hai.

Translated- It won’t rhyme as in Hindi but for those who can’t understand Hindi

This is youth day today

And there is a fire to do today

There is hope, eagerness, intent and passion

And no qualms for it, after all its youth day today

There is corruption, massacre and everyone is shattered

There are doubts, obstacles but still the doped mind is unstoppable

After all, it’s the world to be won as the veins are hot boiled today

And no qualms for it, after all its youth day today

And this, my longest post ever, this I had to write, just because I was denied Pamela Anderson stuff and denied this special day.

Declaration: All the statements I made above are with the intention to offend the maximum audience and offend by stigmatizing their unquestionable icons. The best way would be to ignore or you will be playing to my mind, which is to force you shout “Who does he think he is, anyway?”

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