Friday, May 8, 2009

When I Screamed

Today I went to an ATM to get some money to pay for the rent. The landlord had run out with his patience after a long wait of one week. I went there on a borrowed bike, parked it outside the kiosk, on the road and went straight in. Little did I know thulla-logg(cops) do have special plans for such locations. In the space of two minutes they towed the bike and shunned me. Fucktards, they know outside an ATM one can't even pretend not to have money.

I pleaded, they puked.
I paid and they moved.
Cut To:
Flashback. 4 years ago.

EXT. Road-- Evening
ME, DOGGY and SPORTY are riding on my bike. Awesome threesome. We are just out of the premiere of Zinda. Sporty is an allrounder-great shuttler,athlete and a brilliant cricketer. Add to that fattu also. Doggy is doggy just because he is doggy and has 'I dont know whats going around' written on his face. One of the happiest men I met. IGNORANCE IS BLISS not for nothing after all.

We have no helmet, licence, RC- nothing.

What a movie, yaar?

Korean film ka remake hai.

This was the only thing he knew and kept repeating right before we entered till next Friday. I dont respond. Just happy being with them, happy being with life, happy riding the bike.

Sporty-the fattu, suuddenly sees one thulla on a bike.

Bhagga isko banchod, maamu peeche hai.

Even the mammu who was lost in his world notices it.

Side lo.
Side lo isko.

Not that we have no money but we hate to pay thullas. My evil mind has other plans and I pretend to slow down the bike.

Sporty, get down and run in that street.


Get down and run in that street,
I am gonna run.

Thulla gets the hint before Sporty and brings his bike closer to mine. He stretches his hand to take the key. Sporty is down by now.Thulla is alomst at us, I grab his hands and pushes him with his bike. He meets mother earth, mouth faced. I am ecstatic and ridding between 90-100.

Maashiode (thats MF in Hyderabadi)
Maashiode, what the fuck do you
think you have done?

Just keep quite, lemme drive.

He had wireless with him.
We are gonna be ' Over & Out'

Shut up. We are close to Necklace Road.
5 mins and we are on Road # 10.

Khairatabad, they will be there in Khairatebad.
And believe me you will come to know
what it takes messing around thullas.

He knew it really was not a film shoot.
It was an act that would land us in soup.

Ok we will go via Lakdi Ka Pool then.
But dont scare the balls out of me.
Be cool, it ll be ok.
Cut To:

EXT. Kiosk-- Day

We are at Rehman's sutta joint, Sporty is addressing a group of 10 odd budding, lunatic managers -the misers who feel alive just because they have ciggarette in their hand. Hes narrating them my daredevilery not knowing nothing would trigger those losers.

Thullae ko!
banchod thulle ko!
Hes crazy. I had to run in the street I never entered.
Thanks for that cyber cafe or I would have gone.
Hes psycho, never sit behind him.

Those listening, some are amused but most disapprove. It was at this moment that I learnt people never care who I am, they never will. I had pulled the stunt of my life and they didn't even move.

I shrugg and puff and don't utter.

EXT. ATM-- Day(Present)

When I never paid heed I did succeed,
I try to be decent and I am left to bleed.
Life keeps playing slut that is her only gleam.
I just lost 200 bucks and I want to scream.

P.S. Koi lauta de mere bite hue din

When I ScreamedSocialTwist Tell-a-Friend


  1. Haha...I can relate to this.

    I was riding pillion on a friend's bike and he tried to jump a signal. The policeman pulled out the key but gave it back as there was a girl on the bike :P

    Moral : Next time , take a girl along.

  2. Girl would cost more than mamus.

    Moral:There is never a choice.

  3. A girl friend is not the same as a girlfriend.

  4. In that case a girl friend would be costlier than a steady GF. She would know her langth and also her purpose and believe me such girl- friends do know how to exploit.

    In my college I paid heavily for such a hitch. The entire college would think I was saving my chalan money, only I knew it was a bedt debt.

    Girl friend or girlfriend-

    they Grill-First
    they Giggle-Formeost
    they'r Gone-Fast.
    They never Give-F***

  5. he he he... hilarious post man.. As they say - whatever goes around; comes around

  6. It comes around heavily, man. But to be honest my previous post was more hilarious and second previous was even more. So if you get some time some other time go there and get a hilarious hard on if that’s what you are looking at.

  7. are u trying to say that u r getting less hilarious day by day...:) anyways nice post ..flashback and CUT to represents the upcoming script writer or director??

  8. (are u trying to say that u r getting less hilarious day by day...:) )
    May be.But comedy was never my forte and blame it on David Dhawan and Priyadarshan-the ugliest examples of commercial success you will ever see.

    (flashback and CUT to represents the upcoming script writer or director??)

    Now you are reading too much between the lines.
    Even before I am a celeb I would say- "I dont comment on speculation. This is all media thing. I know if i am in this business I ll have to go through it. Being sucessful in this country comes with a header."